I bought my first ever real Christmas tree this year. It is a small tabletop tree – about all I could really handle. I’ve always had small trees – actually I had a Christmas pillar, and last year we decorated a Cactus out in the Arizona dessert. This year we are staying home so I figured we should have some kind of decoration. I also wanted to bring some plants into the house. I miss having inside plants.

I have been trying to do a few different things to help me get into the Christmas spirit. I bought a cookbook. This one is made by the same folks who make my favourite gluten free pizza – Against the Grain by Nancy Cain. I’ve had some success with the recipes so far, and I’m looking forward to trying some more. I may even manage to make some of my traditional Christmas favourites with a decent gluten-free adaptation. Crossing my fingers. Either way, I’m enjoying the experiments.

I also bought some fun emoji chocolate molds and made some emoji chocolate.

But I just don’t feel in the Christmas spirit. At least not yet. I wonder if it is the lack of snow? Or maybe how I feel will change after December 17. December 17 is the three year anniversary of my double-mastectomy with immediate DIEP flap reconstruction – a 10 hour surgery – a surgery that removed the last of the known cancer from my body. In the past I have felt different on that day. I thought I might want to celebrate, but then I didn’t. Year 1 it was a day of sadness. Last year it was just another day. This year – three years – feels significant.