BC Becky

Never Thought I’d Want to be a Breast Cancer Survivor

Tag: sailing

  • My bald head

    There are times when I find myself wanting to cover my head in something stylish – and I like looking good. There are times when I run out to take out the garbage and I cover my head so as not to scare or make uncomfortable anyone who I might happen to cross paths with in the corridors of the condo.

    Today, when I was out sailing, I mostly wore a buff and my Tilley hat.
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    I usually wear my Tilley hat sailing, so anyone who has seen me before would not notice any difference. There was a brief moment when I took my hat off for a picture – cause I really wanted a picture with the waves and my bald head – mostly for posterity. But I also wanted to feel the wind on my head. At this point, it was easier to put my buff and hat back on, as I needed my hands to hold onto the boat!

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    But, towards the end of the sail, when it was a little less windy and cold, I found myself wanting (craving) to talk off my hat so I could experience the feeling of the wind on my skull. I love the feel of the wind on my bare head. But I didn’t. I was afraid of how the people around me would react. I was not afraid of showing my bare head, but I didn’t want to make others feel uncomfortable.

    When in the car, I often strip off my head scarf. It is either too hot, and I want to cool down, or I’m on a slower road and I want to drive with the windows down. Again, that feeling of breeze on my bare skull is delightful. When I’m in the car, I’m not worried about how my baldness might make others feel (even when stopped at intersections). I’m conscious about it, but not worried about it.

    When I had a shaved head, I didn’t worry about it. I often went out without covering up. But now, my head is patchy. It is mostly bald, but still has some patchy bits of hair. Sometimes when I swim, I don’t worry about it and just go bare. Last time I swam, I wore my swim cap. I was OK with changing from my buff to my swim cap at the pool, and I even used the pool shower and exposed my naked head (but found myself hoping that when someone walked by that they didn’t look my way). But I didn’t walk to or from the pool with a bare head.

    So I’m of mixed feelings right now. There are times when I want to look fashionable that I am happy to have my head covered in a pretty scarf/buff/whatever. It is a part of the outfit and actually dresses up what I’m wearing. However, there are times when, I would rather not bother covering up. Although, from a practicality perspective, I do need to concern myself with sun protection. My bare head cannot go out in the sun for any length of time, but it certainly craves being exposed for short periods of time (and I do hate wearing a buff under my bike helmet, but I need the sun protection).

    So I wonder, how much should I worry about what other people might think? Do I worry about the discussions parents might need to have with their children after seeing me? Is that something that I should even care about?

     

  • Picturing a morning sail

    This morning we headed off to San Francisco for a morning sail on USA 76 with ACSailingSF. We almost missed the boat, arriving just as they were about to cast off. Fortunately, we got there just in time, and they nicely sent someone up to fetch us at the gate.

    Hopping on the boat, I was immediately happy. After a little bone pain yesterday, I wasn’t sure I’d have the energy to get out sailing – but rather than it tiring me, sailing refreshed me. It was nice and windy (at least at first) so we had an excellent, and thrilling up wind leg.

    We brought the new GoPro, which I spent some time playing with. Unfortunately, most of my pictures involve either my fingers or the string tether in the corner of the camera. Since you cannot see what you are taking a picture of, I didn’t quite realize it. So, I’ve chosen a few pictures that turned out pretty well.

    Scott resting after having been one of the grinders raising the main.

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    Under sail!

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    Playing with selfies on the Go Pro.

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    Some video of Scott grinding as we tack on the up wind leg.

    I enjoyed some time right up at the front being reminded regularly with mist that we were on a body of salt water!

    At one point I even took off my hat and buff to feel the wind on my bare skull and of course get a bald head picture 🙂

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    After our sail, we had lunch with some friends on Pier 39. Overall, a great way to spend a Sunday.

  • A busy day with a trip to the DMV

    I have needed to go to the DMV for a while. I want to apply for my California driver’s license, but also want to get a California ID, in case I cannot get the driving test in a timely fashion.

    Yesterday at my oncologist appointment, I asked about getting a disabled parking permit (which allows us to book special campsites at the campgrounds – useful when the campsites are otherwise full). This actually turned out to be rather fortuitous, as the application for the permit (also done at the DMV) meant that I was in a slighter faster line up. It was still a 2.5 hour adventure, but at the end of the day, I now have a temporary California drivers license (still need to book and do the road test), a temporary California ID (which will come in the mail), and a disable parking permit. I actually found myself using the permit today, as it saved me a lot of energy when running errands – errands I likely otherwise would not have completed.

    A couple of side benefits to the card is that we don’t need to pay at parking meters and we can park for more than the length of time specified in a parking zone – so when it is 2hr parking, we can stay as long as we need. That is particularly useful for when we go sailing, and tend to park in a 2hr zone and worry about getting a ticket as we are usually there for 3 hours.

  • Sailing and support groups

    Our day began with a sail around San Francisco Bay on the 2003 America’s Cup boat USA 76 (it was the 76 boat of its type built). It was particularly cool sailing under the Golden Gate Bridge. We thoroughly enjoyed our trip out and are strongly considering their annual pass, which would allow us to go sailing on any of their public sails for a year. I was mindful throughout the sail as to whether or not I’d be physically able to participate. I did ask about people with limited accessibility. They said as long as they can get on the boat, usually they can sit on the life raft (its just a box) at the back, so it isn’t too difficult to enjoy the sale. Even while racing the crew often sit on the deck (floor) to help make the boat more aerodynamic. So, there is no shame in sitting on the floor. So, with that in mind, we shall probably sign up. It will be something to look forward to between chemo treatments. It looks like they sail every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. They also race on Friday nights, but I think that might be a little too intense for me right now.

    After our sail, Scott encouraged me to go check out a newly diagnosed or in treatment breast cancer support group. I was rather nervous about the whole thing. I haven’t really told anybody in person (other than my mothers) that I have cancer. It isn’t exactly an easy thing to say. The support group made it easier to talk about – it gave me a safe space to say it out loud – but also a place to talk about it where they understood the cancer language. Too bad there isn’t a PhD Student Breast Cancer support group so that people understood my academic speak! I also met a couple of really nice people. Since we know so few people in California, it seems odd to me, but the cancer support groups are likely where we will develop new friendships. I was encouraged to come back to both that group and the young adult group. I think I shall give it a try. We are also hoping that they restart the couples group – as ‘Scott and Becky’ could use a support group too, not just Becky.

  • “Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!”

    A friend said to me “Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!”

    Honestly, before I had breast cancer, I always thought that if I had cancer, that would be my reaction – just get it out of me. I find it very interesting that it is very much NOT my reaction. The decision to ‘just get it out’ is so much more complicated then I ever thought it was. There are options, and with each option comes different treatments and side effects – and I’m still waiting. If the HER2 FISH test comes in positive for HER2/neu then the decision become easier. There is a drug that has been proven to be quite effective for HER2/neu cancers that can only be given pre-surgery – so neoadjuvant (http://www.perjeta.com/patient/neoadjuvant), which just means ‘before in addition’.

    One of the hopes of any neoadjuvant treatment is that it also causes the tumor to shrink. If the tumor shrinks then the surgery can be less invasive.  The other advantage to chemo first is that I would know my genetic test results before going into surgery. If it turns out that I do have the breast cancer gene (or one of them), then the decision for a double mastectomy makes more sense than doing a lumpectomy and having to do additional screening/tests every 6 months (reoccurrence rates goes to like 80% if you have gene).

    So the feeling isn’t so much ‘get it out soon’, it is more about how am I going to get it out, and  just who scary the surgery itself is. How will I feel when I wake up.

    Man I’m looking forward to experiencing some good drugs during this process. There must be a positive side to things, and good pain meds might be it! Today, I’m hoping to get a total non-medication high – sailing upwind at high speeds on a giant sailboat. When you see it sailing in the harbour it sticks out because it is on such a different scale than the other sloops in the harbour. If we are dry, we shall take lots of photos!

     

     

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