I miss my mom – and my first treatment

I didn’t really expect that sensation to hit. Last night I realized that one of the things that I was missing this time around is my mom. When I was first diagnosed the recurrence, I was glad to not have to tell her. That was one of the hardest things I had to do. But this time, I realize that what I’m missing is my mom. I’m missing that sense that someone is holding me the only way a mom can. I have a lot more support this time around, but it isn’t the same as feeling your mom is there for you. I miss her so much.

I’m writing this from the chemo chair at the Bridgewater hospital. I have happy to learn that they had a whole gluten free menu for their lunch. Hopefully the bread doesn’t suck. I was able to order a grilled cheese sandwich, green beans, a salad with egg, and vanilla ice cream. That feels like a lot of food right now, but the second dose of dexamethasone is kicking in and that is making my appetite start to build.

Access to my port went well. Before I left home this morning, I sprayed benadryl spray around the whole area of the port. I then put a bunch of emla cream (a cream with lidocaine in it to numb the area), then covered it with a mepore bandage to help it soak in. It meant that it was on for over an hour before they tried to access the port – which made it less painful. The steristrips came off today. The incisions have healed well. I’m hoping to be able to swim a few days after the white blood cell booster that I get on Friday.

For today’s infusion, it is a 90 minute infusion of Herceptin (they call it Trastuzumab). Because this is the first dose, we will wait 1 hour after the dose before continuing. For future appointments, it will be 30 minutes of Trastuzumab followed immediately by the Taxotere (Docetaxel) and Cytoxan (Cyclophosphamide). Each of those will take about an hour, and there is a flush (about 10 minutes) between each. Today will be long day, next time things will run faster, but even faster I’m looking at about 3.5-4 hours. Fortunately this is every three weeks and not more frequently.

We were informed that the “toxic” part will last about 7 days. That means that for the first seven days we need to take care to reduce anyone getting exposed to my body fluids – including my dear puppy. We will keep puppy in overnight daycare on infusion day and the following day. Then she can come home as long as I’m not sweating too much or vomiting. We will make arrangements for Treehouse and other friends to take Cali if we need someone to take her quickly. I don’t want to give her up for the entire week, since mostly she sleeps with me on the bed or rolls up in the chair next to me while I work.

And now I’m going to put my computer away and eat a donut!

  • Becky


  • Hi sweetheart,

    I hope today was as ok as possible. Your comment about your Mom brought tears . I am glad she doesn’t know about the recurrence but sad that she isn’t here for you.

    Love you 😘

  • I hope you enjoyed the donut and got my previous reply. 💕

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