It all started with me contemplating an audio book version of Never Knew I Wanted to be a Breast Cancer Survivor. The challenge was that the book was not written to be read aloud. Plus, it was written before my second diagnosis. I struggled when I tried just reading it as it is.
I’ve also been podcasting for a few years now. In December I started a new podcast – Definitely Not Famous: More Extra than Ordinary – where I interview memoirists about their books. It has been a lot of fun and I’ve learned a lot about writing and the writing life throughout the process.
What it also made me realize is that I’m much more comfortable doing a podcast than I am doing an audio version of my book. So I did it, I launched a new podcast with the same name as the book.
Never Knew I Wanted to Be a Breast Cancer Survivor, is a candid, story‑driven podcast where I share my experience of navigating a life‑changing diagnosis while searching for who I was, who I was becoming, and who am I today.
Three weeks after moving to California in 2014—with no family history or warning signs—I found myself thrown into the American healthcare system as a Canadian, a PhD student with a project going nowhere, while wrestling with my identity. This show is where I unpack those moments: the fear, the absurdity, and the learning curves.
In 2023, I was diagnosed with regional recurrence of breast cancer—this time while living in a small town in Nova Scotia Canada. My experiences could not be more different from my initial diagnosis, and yet, I felt like I was in the right place at the right time.
As I tell my story, I share how I actively developed my own health literacy. Each episode explores not just what happened, but what I learned about the medical system, patient advocacy, and making sense of the firehose of information I was receiving. Whether you’re a patient, a caregiver, or simply someone who loves real life stories, this podcast offers insight, honesty, and sometimes humour in the absurdity that is breast cancer treatment and its aftermath.
It is an interweaving of the two stories. I don’t yet know where the stories will lead, as I’m sharing them as I write them. I’m aiming for around 10 minutes per episode, with very short intros and outros. Every fifth episode I’ll do a blog post and have a longer outro that asks for subscriptions or other supports for the podcast.
Episode 1 – It’s probably nothing but …
After a long bike ride, celebrating the unpacking of the very last box, I step into the shower in my new home in Santa Clara, California. After a year of back-and-forth, I’m finally living with my husband again. It’s been a long year, and I’m so happy to be home.
And then I feel it — a hard spot on my left pec.
It must be a muscle strain… only it doesn’t hurt, which is odd.
Each day after my shower, I check again.
Still there.
On June 9, 2014, I walk into my doctor’s office saying, “It’s probably nothing, but…”
Episode 2 – What should I hope for?
I struggle with my identity.
Who am I now?
Who do I want to be?
While I await the biopsy and other test results, I find myself uncertain and wondering – what should I be hoping for? If you are going to have breast cancer, the next question is, what kind of breast cancer?
Episode 3 – Before Knowing
I can logically think about what I want, and how this might play out, but I cannot emotionally prepare. I have no idea where to begin with the emotional side of this decision. How does one prepare to lose a body part?
As Scott and I walk around Sausalito, I find myself looking at other women’s breasts. I never really noticed other women’s breasts before, but now I am drawn to them and keep looking.
I’m not even sure what I’m thinking when I’m looking. I laugh, then swallow tears. Prosthetics or not, I am window shopping.
Episode 4 – Waiting to prepare
For the future, I’m wondering how much I should prepare so that I can pick up where I left off?
Should I set up something that just keeps going while I’m away?
And what do I just let go?
When I first heard that I had cancer, I had friends that I reach out to. These friends put me in touch with other friends – all helping to form a network of support. In times of crisis, we discover the true power of being part of networked communities.
Time is my biggest challenge right now. Things are moving so very quickly as I manage many different appointments, phone calls, blog posts, notifications, and minutiae.
Episode 5 – When planning meets uncertainty
I’ve learned that statistics only mean something before you get a diagnosis. They provide hope (e.g. 80% of breast cancers are HER2 negative), but they mean nothing once you receive the diagnosis. It is no longer relevant what the statistics are, like 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their lifetime or that a certain percentage of breast cancers are hormone positive. Both cancers are positive.
Statistics only matter for the unknown future, not the known present.
I’m scared. I’ve gone through many scares over the last 8 and a half years. That is how long it has been since the last of the known cancer was removed from my body. That is how long I’ve been in remission.
I have a mantra for when I’m scared – In the absence of a diagnosis, I am healthy.
Except this scare is different. This scar involved suspicious lymph nodes and an ultrasound guided biopsy.
My Ask
Would you be interested in being a beta listener? A beta listener is someone who listens to an episode before it goes love on podcast. I’m looking for someone who can listen and let me know if anything needs fixing before it goes live. Each episode is about 8-12 minutes. If this interests you, please fill in this form to reach me.
My second ask it to help support the podcast financially. I’m not asking for big donations. I’m looking for $3 per month via the Patreon app. This app allows you to support me as an Artist. Your support is amplified as it gives me a greater opportunity to access grants. Your $3 per month makes a difference!
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