In a bit of a funk

I find myself wondering if it is the weather. It has been raining most afternoons for the last week and a half or so. I’m finally able to walk and get out and exercise, but doing it is a challenge when the weather isn’t participating.

I’m also watching my friends defend their dissertations. I’m happy for them. I know just how much work is involved in getting to that point. A doctoral program is a huge investment in time and energy. It is a huge accomplishment that I’m happy to be celebrating with my friends. But on the other hand, it is reminding me of just how much more I have to do. It is reminding me that I’m behind. That I took 16-months off (really more than that, as I pretty much stopped in May when I was diagnosed, but the way the semester system works I was registered until August. So, I was away from it all for about 18-19 months.

The restart has been good for me. The cancer experience has given me a new passion to help me focus my research. I’m excited about the project I’ll be leading. I’m looking forward to the writing that will take me from where I am to finishing my PhD.

But these last two days I’ve been in a bit of a funk. I’m trying to figure out what will pull me out of it. I’ve called on a friend to go out to lunch. Perhaps that will help. I don’t know. I just know that I need to bounce back. I need to bounce back soon.

It looks like few have a few more days of this dreary weather ahead of us – but by mid next week the sun will be back. I will look forward to that and try to get ahead on some of my work so that I can enjoy it when it happens.

In other news, we are expecting to close on the purchase of a new place (a manufactured home) next week. It needs some renovations – but I’m really looking forward to moving into the new space and creating a real home out of it. Stay tuned for photos 🙂

  • Becky


  • Hi Rebecca, maybe it has to do with spring starting? I always bunch up tons of things to start in the spring and then, like today, stand dumbfounded, unable to know where to start. This afternoon I started the “simplest” project and realized that a winter’s thinking about it had turned it into an un-doable impossibility. So I made up a plan B, collected what I needed and then stopped. Think it was the actual trying and failing on that attempt that revealed the solution. It felt like two hours of chemo-brain trying to get going but now the project has moved to the real world where I can act on it.

    Congratulations on the house! Our next house will be a manufactured home. Our current house is so big by the time I cross it I’ve not only forgotten why I went but have found something else to forget on the way back. With Leslie’s bad knee, we don’t need the stairs or miles of hall anyway.

    • Funny thing is that for us the new home will be twice the size of our current apartment. I’m really looking forward to having open spaces again, but also to have an office that isn’t the living room, and a big table where I can brainstorm ideas and organize my thoughts.

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