Permission …

On Friday, I gave myself permission to stop working while I’m on Taxol. I have been trying to sneak in small amounts of contract work, but I just haven’t been able to get anything done. I’ve had the same task on my to do list week after week. It isn’t a big task, nor a lot of work, but it requires some concentration – and I just don’t have that right now. So, on Friday, I gave myself permission to let it go.

I have to say, it is a lot easier to put it on hold with the thought that I’ll have one or two more treatments – a lot easier than thinking 6 or 7 more treatments.

I got word from my oncologist – the current plan is that I do chemo on Monday (dependent on my blood counts). I have an MRI booked for Thursday evening. I see my oncologist again on Monday morning (Oct 13 – Canadian Thanksgiving). I also see both my surgeons that day. Depending on what the MRI says, we will either continue with chemo or move on to surgery. I’m leaning towards surgery right night, largely because the chemo is taking away all my energy. I’m tired of it all – ready to move on to the next step.

So, I’ve given myself permission to not work while on Taxol. I need to let that pressure go. I’ve also decided that I shall not be driving while on Taxol. Two weeks ago I was good on Tuesday and part of Wednesday. This week, I wasn’t good Tuesday afternoon. I do wonder if the issue is related to my low blood counts? In some ways, I hope that is the problem, as it would mean that when my blood counts rebound I’ll get that cognitive processing back.

Today, I’m tired – I’m actually looking forward to the post-chemo steroid boost – that is, the extra energy I get on Monday afternoon, Tuesday, and Wednesday because of the steroids given during chemo.


  • Becky

One Comment

  • Relaxing into your current abilities sounds like a good plan. The steroid person is so enthusiastic and full of plans, but the 3 day visit is too short 🙁 It’s like having a bad, though well-meaning, travel agent. You tell them one thing, they hear another and now you find yourself lost a bit.

    Getting tired is the flip side of the steroid visit for me–not a good time for decisions either. Rebecca, this isn’t your whole life, just a small part that’s productive in other ways.

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