Author: Becky

I have been very impatient in my waiting for this term to finish. I have been working almost full time teaching for what feels like forever – but really is just 2 years – but that has been enough. I was starting to burn out. Several months ago, I had decided that I was not going to teach this summer. I needed the time off. I needed to recharge and get excited about teaching again.

So, now the semester is over. I have finished marking and I just submitted grades – so I’m now done until September – actually really sometime in August when I need to start putting together my fall courses. I’m also working on a new course for the spring – a course on coding for instructional designers. I’ve started work preparing for it and I’m quite enjoying it. It has been a while since I’ve had to put my computer science skills to use.

I do find that I am asking myself, now what? I no longer need to spend 1/2 of my days working on teaching stuff. I now have time, but I’m still not sure what to do with it.

Today I spent about an hour scraping paint off the bathroom wall. I had already stripped the wall paper, but there was a layer of paint underneath that was peeling in places. Before re-painting, I need to strip the existing paint, repair any holes, sand down my repairs, and then I can think about painting. I will most likely need to prime first, so that the paint stays nicely.

After that, I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day and go for a walk on the beach. I had been avoiding the beach because I thought the restrictions meant that I could not go there – as the beach is not in the Town of Bridgewater, which is my municipality. However, I have discovered that you are permitted to move within your county if you are going out for exercise – and there are many different beaches in my county (yay).

Tomorrow is also supposed to be a beautiful day, so I’ll need to figure out where I go for my walk (my walk with Cali). Hubby had his first Covid vaccine today Pfizer – so we will see how he is feeling tomorrow. I don’t get mine until Tuesday.

What do you like to do when you find yourself with time on your hands?

I have been negligent in writing for quite some time. Part of it is because every time I think I should write something I get writers block – I feel like I have nothing to say.

For the first time in over a year, my friends in California got together. They met outdoors at a local part for a hike. They wore masks the whole time – and yet, some were not yet comfortable enough to join in. I have no idea what I would think – but I’d likely be at least partially vaccinated at this point – because I’m privileged and I know how the system works. My connections to multi healthcare systems would have made it easier for me to access the vaccine. My health literacy would also have made it easier for me.

Here, privilege still plays a role, just not as much of one. Privilege means that immediately upon availability of appointments for my age group, I was able to go onto the computer, and wait my turn in the queue in order to book an appointment. I didn’t have work commitments preventing me from waiting on the first day the vaccines were available. However, I also know that within a couple of days anyone within my age range was able to get onto the system and book an appointment. Now, my appointment isn’t until early next week. Hubby got into the system just as they released more appointments, so he actually gets his vaccine tomorrow (he is in a younger age-range). But where we are, a few days isn’t going to make a huge difference. I’m just happy to be getting a vaccine soon. I’ll get to see how he reacts to it before I go through it, which could be good or bad!

It is a bit ironic that my friends are getting together at a time when we are in lock down. We spent most of last year able to visit friends within the province. We haven’t been able to go out of province, so have not yet visited family, but we could visit friends from within the province. We even had various people over for lunch on several occasions. That has been our privilege. Now we are in lock down. This is taken very seriously – which is how we were able to avoid the earlier outbreaks, but the variants spread so much faster, that they make even small gatherings a risk.

I miss being able to see my friends. They are still not able to hug, which is huge change in culture for our community – who often show support for one another or greet one another with a hug. But they are able to see each other in physical form, and that is a real blessing after this last year. I miss hiking with them.

I’ll add a layer of feelings associated with their hike. They chose to hike at Alum Rock park. This is where Lori and I hiked together all the time. I started hiking there on my own as I was recovering from my major surgery. From the lower (free) parking lot, I could follow a lovely path that had benches at just the right distances. It was a perfect place for me to slowly work up my endurance.

A couple of years later it was the go-to place for Lori and I. It was Lori’s favourite park. It was the park that was in her ‘backyard’ throughout her childhood. So many memories of her life were associated with hikes in that park. We talked about it all the time.

Seeing the photos of my friends hiking there now brings back so many nice memories. I can smell the trees – interestingly, I often wondered why people were hiking with chai tea? I’d smell it now and then on my hikes, always assuming that is what it was. It wasn’t the eucalyptus trees, as there scent was familiar. This was different. A few year later I learned that what I was smelling was actually the California Bay tree (I don’t recall ever seeing the nuts) – I even picked a few leaves on occasion as a substitute for the more traditional ‘bay leaf’ in recipes – but I found I didn’t like it as much. I did enjoy the scent of it while hiking. It is a smell that will always remind me of hiking in California, and more specifically on hiking along the west side of Alum Rock park.

My iPad also seems to know about these memories, as it has been showing me various selfies that Lori and I took on our hikes. I’m so very glad we started doing that when we did. Those are memories of such an important time in my life. Lori will forever be in my heart.

Funny, when I sat down to write this post I felt like I had nothing to say. But I do. I guess I should get back into the habit of writing something more often.

A year ago I decided to put aside my PhD – actually it was almost 14 months ago, before the Covid craziness started. After putting together a realistic project plan that showed that it would likely be another two years before I could finish it, I realized that I just wasn’t up for it. I had had enough. It was 10 years after I started, with two leaves of absence – I was done and ready to take control of my life back.

When I stopped, I had two projects in mind. A book or other publication associated with my PhD (and this blog), as well as a book associated with our Going East blog. A year later, I have not started either. I’ve been too busy with teaching and working on making Treehouse Village Ecohousing a reality (we are over 70% sold and start construction in a couple of months!)

Of course, there has also been managing Covid in the middle of that, an increased teaching load, and a move to Nova Scotia during a global pandemic. And now a new puppy, who is cute as a button but a ton of work. But really, how much of that is an excuse. If I really wanted to start, I could have started, but inertia is a difficult thing to overcome.

With the semester winding down, and not teaching this summer, I am finding that I have more time to think about it. I made the first baby step. I created a directory and after writing this blog post, I’m going to create a Scrivener project – actually I may create two, so I can flip between the two projects. They are very different in nature, and doing both will allow me to spend my energy on the one that is meeting my needs in that moment.

Moving to Nova Scotia has meant that I have not been living and breathing breast cancer. I actually go days without thinking about it. It is rarely top of mind. It has been a breath of fresh air, both literally and figuratively.

And now to take a deep breath and just start!

Feature image by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash.

I have been struggling to write lately. I have written a little on my other blog about my various hikes, but not much else.

I’ve been reflecting back on 2020 lately. It was a crazy year for me. I made the major decision to stop working on my PhD. Not a week later we went into lockdown around Covid. When I stopped working on my PhD, I had plans that would allow me to spend the extra time working on a book or two. I have two that I want to self-publish, one related to my breast cancer journey and all the work I put into my PhD dissertation. The second is a book about our Going East bike trip. They are still on my to do list. I’ve made zero progress on both.

In addition to Covid changing everything in 2020, I started teaching more. In 2020, I taught three courses each semester, including the summer. This semester I find myself in the luxury position of teaching only two courses – which is the minimum I need to maintain my status at the university. I won’t be teaching anything this summer. I am so looking forward to taking the summer off of teaching.

Life has also been busy for me at Treehouse Village. When I stopped working on my PhD, I got more involved in helping make Treehouse a reality. I joined the marketing team and began leading the Community Life Circle, which is responsible for fostering a healthy intentional community. We are now over 60% sold and are planning to start construction this year. It is super exciting to think that in 2022 we will move into Treehouse Village and be in our cohousing community. Until then, we are loving living in Bridgewater.

Moving would be another big part of my 2020. On July 3rd we decided to move back to Canada. On August 3rd, we got in our van and left California. The logistics for our move was crazy. We packed our stuff into UBoxes and had them shipped to Maine. We had our car shipped to Maine. We drove our van across the US – fortunate that we could sleep in the van for most of our trip. We quarantined for a week in Maine (until we got our negative Covid results), and then once our stuff arrived we moved it all from the UBoxes into a Uhaul truck which towed our car on a flatbed (did you know that you cannot tow an electric car?). August 17 we cross the border into Canada and drove to a friends place for quarantine.

After quarantine, it took us a month to find a new place to live. We got lucky and found a place that needed work but was very livable in Bridgewater. It is a crazy huge house for the two of us, but it means we have space to renovate, moving from room to room.

Being in Bridgewater has been amazing. We have several future neighbours from Treehouse Village living in Bridgewater, and as time goes by, more and more of our future neighbours are moving here. There are also several of our friends who chose not to join Treehouse, but did choose to move to Bridgewater. It has been amazing to be someplace and already have friends here.

I’ve also discovered how close some of the various hiking trails are. And now that winter is here, I’m discovering various places to go skating on ponds, cross country skiing, and snowshoeing.

Oh ya, and my most important news .. in a couple of weeks I’ll be getting a puppy! She is adorable. I haven’t met her in person yet, but I’ve gotten weekly pictures from the breeder. She is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel crossed with Toy Poodle – so she will be small. I had originally thought I wanted two dogs, but in the end decided that one would be enough of a handful for now – and if all goes well, maybe I’ll get a second one later. I’m so excited to be a doggy mom. I’ve even started sewing doggy things – I’ve sewing a couple of carry bags so that she can come on walks and hikes with us – as she will need to be carried most of the way while she is still a puppy.

And so I wonder, why I’m not getting to book writing …. well, I seem to have filled my days with better things. I’m getting out whenever the weather is good, which is more than I expected – I guess my expectations for winter weather were so low that I’m constantly pleasantly surprised.

My teaching load is less, so I am finding myself with a little more time – so maybe, that will lead to me doing more writing. We’ll see. For now I’m eagerly anticipating the day I get to bring my puppy home and hoping that I’m ready when she gets here.

It was such a beautiful day yesterday, New Years Day, that we had to take advantage of it and go for a hike. When Scott suggested going to the coast, I pulled out our new Hiking Trails of Mainland Nova Scotia book and found one that was nearby – Green Bay to Broad Cove. The Green Bay trailhead was about a half hour drive from our house.

We didn’t hike the entire trail, as that would have been 12km return, rather we hiked out for just over 2km and then headed back – our total distance 4.5 km.

The trail itself follows along the coast alternating between beach walks and an old logging road, which has been reclaimed by the ocean in many places.

For most of our hike we were alone with the ocean, however, we did pass a few fellow hikers. We got there early enough to get parking, and noticed that it was busier as we were leaving.

Here are some photos from our hike.

Six years ago today I was wheeled into the operating room to undergo a 10 hour surgery that removed the last of the known cancer from my body.

I never know how I’m going to feel on this day. I always find myself wondering if I’ll be in a celebratory mood or a sad one. The day usually brings some aspect of both, and certainly an aspect of introspection.

I’m not sad today like I have been in the past on this day. I remember that first year cancerversary. I remember the flood of mixed emotions. Today I seem to have the opposite almost a lack of emotions.

I love the feature image because the character seems to be struggling carrying the six. It is how I feel – that the last six years have been very heavy.

How will I celebrate this day? I will celebrate with a nice dinner and I’ll share a bottle of Nova 7 — local bubbly that just feels like celebration. I’m also going to make some gluten-free carrot cake with cream cheese icing – yum.

It is also our first snowstorm of the year – and a first since returning to Canada. We have had snow a few times, but not a lot. From an Ottawa perspective, this isn’t a huge storm, but from a Nova Scotia perspective it is. Unfortunately, it most likely won’t last. It will be here for a couple of days, but then mid week next week we get warm weather and rain, which will melt away all the snow. Doesn’t look like it will be a white Christmas.

What I’m missing this year is the desert. We spent many of our years in California camping in the desert over winter. I will miss decorating a cactus this year!

I also find myself missing my mom at this time of year. Her birthday was December 24. Thinking of how young my parents died (late 60s), I find myself thinking of how limited my life span in apt to be and how I want to be spending the remaining years of my life. That is the type of reflection that happens when I’m thinking about cancer and how it has impacted my life.

This year is going to be a weird year. Covid means we aren’t traveling. We aren’t camping. Mostly we are taking things day-by-day and one day is blending into the next.

This blog post has gotten to be rather rambly. I’m going to write another at year end that talks more about just how crazy this year has been. But now, I need to leave the computer and make some carrot cake because it isn’t going to make itself!