Today’s theme is uncertainty. I don’t do uncertainty well. I never have. Cancer hasn’t really changed that.

This morning I was uncertain about whether or not mom should go to the hospital. I felt the pressure of knowing that someday, likely soon, I will have to make that call. Fortunately, not today. My hubby highlighted that we have a phone number for the oncologist on-call, so I called. I talked to her. She said that what mom needs right now is rest. This is not unexpected. Yesterday she had cyberknife brain radiation. The biggest side effect of it is fatigue.

I am here feeling uncertain. Uncertain about what lies in my future.

I am uncertainty around my mother, but also around myself.

  • Becky

One Comment

  • Sometimes I try to remember a time when I didn’t feel cornered or indecisive. We seem to quietly let go of our abilities and the confidence they give us. Illness makes me feel pulled apart when the lesson SHOULD be that I can live with vulnerability and still maintain a sense of self. (easy to say anyway)

    Good idea to use the oncologist on-call:-)

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