Where the mind goes

I am reminded of the time awaiting for treatment and where the mind goes. I am reminded of when I said:

Everything is either too fast or too slow. I feel like the cancer is growing too fast. With each new ache in my body I am worried about it spreading. Is this another symptom? Has it reached my lymph nodes? I am constantly wondering, should I be worried about this or that? (The speed of things, June 16, 2014).

I caught myself in that worry for my mother. She is having some new symptoms, and my mind immediate went to thoughts that the cancer is growing. I didn’t think of non-cancer growth or other reasons for the symptoms. I called her oncologists office to give an update and ask for recommendations. I’m worried that the wait times for the trial will be too long. We are also waiting on the consult for the cyberknife for the brain lesion. We at least got a confirmation on the consultation appointment for early next week. Not as soon as we wanted, but it is something at least.

For the new symptoms the doctor ordered a blood test. It could be something simple, like something low – like low RBC or another nutrient that she needs and isn’t getting. It is not necessarily the cancer growing – it is more likely a side effect of the cancer that is already there. Now we know it is growing as she isn’t on any treatment to stop it, just that it isn’t necessarily growing so quickly as to be the source of new symptoms. The oncologist is recommending that she stay with the plan for now – get the cyberknife done as that is the priority, and then prepare for the #papmet trial.

I’m struck by the term “lesions”. It seems that rather than saying tumor, the reports say there is a lesion. I guess that word is a little less scary.

Now we hurry up and wait …


  • Becky

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