As my one year cancer free day is fast approaching (December 17, 2014 is the date the last of my cancer was removed from my body), I am finding myself having flashbacks to my diagnosis day. I am not remembering the storm the week before surgery, nor how low I was feeling. Instead I’m remembering some of my thoughts upon initial diagnosis.

I am remembering how I thought to myself If I get treated at Stanford does that mean I get to buy the sweatshirt? Finding it tacky wearing university clothing for schools that I’m not associated with. Fortunately, I’m associated with enough schools that my sweater collection isn’t lacking.The answer to that question was a resounding yes. I wore my Stanford hoodie to almost every doctors appointment and chemo session. Now I’m wondering Now that I’m one year cancer free can I buy myself a new Stanford sweatshirt? Or do I move on and just get sweatshirts/hoodies for the schools I’m teaching at/studying at?

As I write the question, I reflect on just how trivial it is. Not a big decision.

The other memory I’m having is that of Window Shopping. I recall that morning (before treatment, while we were still waiting for pathology results), walking through Sausalito, finding myself staring at women’s breasts. Scared. Not knowing what was going to come next.

In the midst of these flashbacks, Facebook reminds me of the rain storm at this time last year. It rained heavily for three days straight. The rain would mean that the emergency rooms were busier than normal for this time of year. It also meant that the hospital was a complete zoo when it came time for me to check-in for my surgery.

Those are my memories for this time of year.

Another lifetime ago, in December 2008 we were visiting Antakya Turkey. We were preparing to get back on our bikes and ride into Syria. That was a lifetime ago!


  • Becky

One Comment

  • This post made me realize that as an outside friend looking into ur blog, I think it was those little trivial details like the hoodies that sort of helped make life seem more…normal? To the reader, anyway. Hugs

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