Mentally preparing

I am preparing myself for disappointment. I have convinced myself that I can endure six more rounds of chemo, but only if I can have a week off to gain some strength. Love how I’m bargaining with this cancer? Tomorrow I expect I’ll be bargaining with my oncologist. I only hope that taking a week off is something that is possible/makes sense. If I have a week to regain some strength, grow a few more red and white blood cells, and  allow my mouth sores to recover, then maybe I can endure six more weeks of this chemo.

Now, I will be pleasantly surprised if the MRI comes back saying that the tumors are gone (or even mostly gone). This would mean that I stop chemo and start regaining my strength in preparation for surgery. As much as I’d like this option, it isn’t what my gut is currently telling me. When I bend over, I can still see some skin retraction – so I can still tell where the larger tumor was – it no longer feels like a hard spot – and the doctors say that my breasts feel normal – but I can still see signs of it (although this could just be scar tissue or dead tumor remnants).

So I’m mentally preparing myself …


  • Becky


  • I had two one-week breaks in Paclitaxel, to try to ease back the progress of the neuropathy, before the oncologist finally decided to stop the treatment altogether. The breaks did me good, gave me a chance to rest a bit. But as Paclitaxel is cumulative it wasn’t really like a break from AC.

    This is such a hard treatment, so I’m just sending you a cheer from the other end of the trail. It really does end, and I’m seeing new signs every day of physical recovery from treatment. If it gets worse before it gets better, as it did for me, I hope this news is encouraging to you. There’s a corner, and you get to turn it. Good luck with the MRI.

  • Becky, much sympathy and hope for you. And don’t trust your gut! It’s only a projection of your insecurities onto your intestines. They know nothing, believe me.

  • Hi Becky! The joy of “scanxiety.” Every little bump or bruise, or pain means “it” is there. It does get better. The chemo brain, the neuropathy, the fatigue. It does. I wish you rest, relaxation, and pain free days. I hope that you are well!

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