Memories of past pain …
In theory, the body forgets pain. You remember you were in pain, but you forget what that pain felt like – in theory.
On Wednesday I developed some mouth sores. They haven’t been bad, but they have had me on edge.
Daily, I experience nerve pain – sharp pains that come on suddenly and then fade. They aren’t actually that painful (at least right now) – more like someone unexpectedly poking you with a needle. They are annoying. Again, they put me on edge.
While hiking on Saturday I realized why these pains were putting me on edge – it is because I haven’t forgotten how bad they can get. I remember quite well the pain of mouth sores the last week of AC – when I couldn’t talk and was limited to eating soft bland (ph neutral) foods. I remember quite well the pain of the first cycle of Paclitaxol when the shooting pains kept me up all night (before I had painkillers and knew how to manage it). I realized that the small hits of pain were reminding me of the larger pain – and it was the memory of pain that was making me on edge.
Now that I realize what was happening, I’m OK. I can re-evaluate where the pain is now – and move beyond the memory of previous pain – but I had to realize that it wasn’t the current pain that had me on edge, rather it was the memory of previous pain, which is now gone. Hopefully the memories too will fade!