Fear of the unknown

One of the challenges with cancer is that you often required to deal with the unknown. My approach to managing fear of the unknown has been preparation. I have tried my best to physically prepare myself for treatment, so that I can bounce back and managed the unknowns ahead – specially the unknown about how I will react.

This last week has been a struggle. The mouth sores have really put me down. I’m tired. I’m not sleeping well, and I haven’t had any exercise since my long walk on Monday (a full week). I’m definitely in a funk.

Today I awoke and for the first time in a week I could open my mouth without pain. I can even stick my tongue out and blow my husband a kiss (these are things I haven’t been able to do). My mouth isn’t 100% better, but at least it isn’t screaming in pain anymore!

Unfortunately, I’m still tired. I’m not my spritely self. I’m not going into this infusion with the same flighting and chipper attitude that I have the previous. On FaceTime chats last night both sets of parents indicated that i looked tired. I am hoping (crossing fingers) that a swim changes my outlook. Getting a little exercise should help me feel better – it has worked in the past, hopefully it shall work this morning!


  • Becky

One Comment

  • Rebecca,
    Probably not news the confidence and energy slips away sometimes. I wonder if somewhere in the bad days there might be some moment for remembering that good days come along too? Sounds like sappy advice but yesterday in the usual sudden onset of nausea and dizziness I collapsed not into misery but rather a rest from the whole damn thing. Feeling bad comes along uninvited and I think I waste energy by fighting with it.

    Glad to hear you mouth sores are better. My reaction to morphine has gone from blessed relief to disorientation. Almost as if our bodies can’t be tricked by drugs. Have you tried other pain killers?

    Have a good swim.

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