Wondering why?

In a post today Nancy asks “Do you ever wonder why you got cancer?

I did ask my oncologist that question, in part because not only do I have cancer but I have bilateral cancer which is rather rare. So much so, that much of the literature and support materials on surgeries talk about having a single mastectomy, which makes it more challenging for me to predict how things will go for me.

I actually posted about exactly this question back before I started treatment in “Why me? versus It is what is.”

Now I think that something in me just clicked. From time to time I question, is it my poor diet from my 20s? or drinking out of Nalgene bottles before they were PBA free? or do I eat too much food cooked on the BBQ?, or something I was exposed to while travelling in Syria or Jordan?

But for me, the reality it that I will never know ‘why me’, and even if I did, it is in the past – it is nothing that I can change now. So I come up with my own answers. For me, the answer that I like it that something just click – some rogue something caused a bunch of cells in my body to go crazy. I kind of wish someone would take interest in the bilateral nature of my disease and try to answer “why” especially because of its uniqueness – but alas, it doesn’t actually appear to be that interesting from a research perspective. I don’t have anyone knocking at my door asking me to be part of a trial or experience to help figure out why. I’ve actually been excluded from clinical trials because I have bilateral disease.

So, it is what is it … why won’t change anything. There is no point in regretting the past (I have had a pretty awesome past full of amazing experiences, so nothing to regret really). I’ll just choose to move on with making decision about how I want to live the rest of my life 🙂

  • Becky


  • Hi Becky, I just left a comment on Nancyspoint’s blog post on the whole “why” factor. I was in the “why not me” camp, although I’ve often wondered why breast cancer came to visit me. I’m sorry there’s not a lot of research on bilateral cancer. One would think there should be research out there on this.

    You have a great attitude. Understanding that there were a lot of great moments in your life is key to moving on and taking the reins of how you want your life to play out. Great post!

  • You’re right of course, it is what it is and knowing why won’t change anything. Still… I do wonder why sometimes. Not so much why me, but just why? And thanks for sharing my link!

  • It is so hard to be left with that hanging WHY, I think. But in terms of taking action, have you filled out the survey for Army of Women? Dr Susan Love’s initiative is one of the handful I’ve seen actively trying to prevent breast cancer from every happening. It’s a good survey to support.

    Nice to find you Becky. I love how blogging can connect us together. ~Catherine

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