So I bit the head off of the repair guy
It has been one of those kind of days. Actually, I managed to get some real work done this morning, so it hasn’t been a total write off. But I’m tired. Every little errand tires me out. My body aches and I’m nauseated. So when the repair guy called saying that he was at the front gate and wouldn’t come find my apartment, but rather required me to walk out to the front parking entrance to get him, I already was not impressed. Then mid-way through repairing the microwave he sniffles and coughs. OMG. I pretty much freaked out (internally). I texted Scott who suggested that I just ask him to leave.
You see, my immune system is compromised – not really badly – but enough that I was pretty clear when the repair guy came last week that no one was to come if they had a cold. I do not need that right now.
I did not kick him out, but when he started to ask about the co-pay, which my landlord needed to pay, I couldn’t process. My brain was not functioning. I snapped. I said, if you are sick I need to you to leave because I’m having chemo and cannot be exposed. He clearly felt bad and explained that it was just allergies because the people at the last call had a cat. But I still could not manage the mental processing of the co-pay issue. I called Scott on my cell and handed it to the guy. He was able to get the number for the property manager and deal with the co-pay issue. He politely went outside to deal with the issue and just knocked on the door to give me the receipt when it was all done.
I feel kind of bad for snapping – but I just couldn’t manage it. It is frustrating that I can handle some mental tasks really well, but others are beyond my abilities. I’m pretty sure I had the number for the property management folks someplace, but I did not have the capacity to figure out where that might be. I spent all morning working on getting my ethics submitted for my thesis project – so clearly I had some form of mental capacity – but this was just too much. Any capacity for multitasking it pretty much gone!
Ugh, chemo brain!
Hang in there Rebecca. It’s an embarrassing loss of control to “lose it” in front of someone but you can’t be trying to stay alive AND be gracious and thoughtful all the time.
I just had a run in when inquiring about some test results from my cardiologist that could determine how my life is lived over the next year. No matter who I called they couldn’t give me the results and I finally broke down and gave up. A person gets tired of being reasonable when their risk factors run high and needs the strength to break with politeness and cut themselves some slack even when unintentional carriers of threats appear and you hurt their feelings. There isn’t a help desk nurse in all of NE Alberta who isn’t mad at me–too bad.
Take you wild-girl self to the wood and yell at some bears!