Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor
-
The challenge of time and holding a thought
Read more: The challenge of time and holding a thoughtRight now I’m finding that my biggest challenge is time. Things are moving so very quickly, and I’m trying to manage many different appointments, phone calls, blog posts, an other notifications and minute (not sure I’ve spelled that right, just say it with a French accent). Most of yesterday was spent dealing with my eyes.…
-
A tough day
Read more: A tough dayI didn’t sleep well last night, and I know that sleep directly affects how I feel the next day. Reality is starting to settle in, but also fear. With every pain in my body I’m wondering if it is spread. Does the blister on my hand mean anything? How about that pain in my breast?…
-
The role of fate in my life
Read more: The role of fate in my lifeAlthough I don’t believe in a god per se, I do believe in some form of fate. Throughout our bicycle journey (http://goingeast.ca/blog) we often felt that something was looking out for us. When I started my PhD, I reflected on fate here. I think that fate played a role in helping me be prepared for the challenges…
-
A typo and an update
Read more: A typo and an updateSorry, I clearly need to do a better job proof reading … I don’t have enough information yet to be talking about stages. Stage is a measure of the progression of the disease, and more needs to be known. I’m guessing stage 2 based on the size of the tumor on the left breast, but…
-
Impostor syndrome (no longer)
Read more: Impostor syndrome (no longer)This morning it occurred to me that what I was feeling was what we call in PhD land, impostor syndrome. This hits most often when you first begin your PhD – the idea that you do not belong, you are a faker in this community. I have struggled with it at various times throughout my…
-
The speed of things
Read more: The speed of thingsEverything is either too fast or too slow. I feel like the cancer is growing too fast. With each new ache in my body I am worried about it spreading. Is this another symptom? Has it reached my lymph nodes? I am constantly wondering, should I be worried about this or that? And at the…
-
Humour in the moment – which boobs should I wear?
Read more: Humour in the moment – which boobs should I wear?In this moment, we (Scott and I) often find ourselves laughing at things that are rather absurd, but real none-the-less. I recognize it clearly as a coping mechanism, and something that is definitely needed. But I’m also aware of how easily something funny can turn into something not funny. I recall back in my undergrad…
-
How do you prepare to lose a body part?
Read more: How do you prepare to lose a body part?When the surgeon told me that most likely I would need a mastectomy I did not really internalize what that meant. When a new friend mentioned that it was like an amputation, that in some ways helped me see the scope of the surgery. It becomes even more real when I think that this could…
-
I am an academic
Read more: I am an academicLast week, I was reflecting deeply on who I am and where I want to go. I did not get shortlisted for my dream job. Part of the reason for this is that they had an ample sufficiency of candidates. So many candidates, that they didn’t need to consider someone who had not yet completed…
