Never thought I’d want to be a breast cancer survivor
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Impostor syndrome (no longer)
Read more: Impostor syndrome (no longer)This morning it occurred to me that what I was feeling was what we call in PhD land, impostor syndrome. This hits most often when you first begin your PhD – the idea that you do not belong, you are a faker in this community. I have struggled with it at various times throughout my…
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The speed of things
Read more: The speed of thingsEverything is either too fast or too slow. I feel like the cancer is growing too fast. With each new ache in my body I am worried about it spreading. Is this another symptom? Has it reached my lymph nodes? I am constantly wondering, should I be worried about this or that? And at the…
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Humour in the moment – which boobs should I wear?
Read more: Humour in the moment – which boobs should I wear?In this moment, we (Scott and I) often find ourselves laughing at things that are rather absurd, but real none-the-less. I recognize it clearly as a coping mechanism, and something that is definitely needed. But I’m also aware of how easily something funny can turn into something not funny. I recall back in my undergrad…
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How do you prepare to lose a body part?
Read more: How do you prepare to lose a body part?When the surgeon told me that most likely I would need a mastectomy I did not really internalize what that meant. When a new friend mentioned that it was like an amputation, that in some ways helped me see the scope of the surgery. It becomes even more real when I think that this could…
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I am an academic
Read more: I am an academicLast week, I was reflecting deeply on who I am and where I want to go. I did not get shortlisted for my dream job. Part of the reason for this is that they had an ample sufficiency of candidates. So many candidates, that they didn’t need to consider someone who had not yet completed…
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What should I hope for?
Read more: What should I hope for?While I await the biopsy results, and other test results, I find myself wondering – what should I be hoping for? If you are going to have breast cancer, the next question is, what kind of breast cancer? The problem is, I really don’t want to do a lot of reading about the different types…
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It all started …
Read more: It all started …… with denial. I felt something. Could it be what I was feeling was just a muscle strain. Surely if I waited a couple of days it would go away. Breast cancer was never something I thought that I would ever have to deal with. I know of no relatives with breast cancer – well,…
