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Dates
The first time around, I found that I knew every date – the date of my diagnosis (June 12), first chemo (July 7), last chemo (Oct 30), first surgery (Nov 19), second surgery (Dec 17), third surgery (Mar 17) … this time, I have not been paying attention to dates. They don’t matter to me.…
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Ported
Yesterday morning, before the sun, we got up and drove to the local hospital (only a five minute drive) for my port surgery. This time, hubby just dropped me off – he came to pick me up in recovery, but there was no point in him waiting in prep as I was the first patient…
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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday – busy times
It is interesting that when I look back on my first diagnosis, I was blogging daily – sometimes multiple times per day. I haven’t been doing that this time. Part of it is because I’ve fallen out of the habit of writing, something that I want to get back into. I do have some crazy…
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A surprise diagnosis
The oncologist appointment finally came Oct 10 – just after Thanksgiving. Since this was an in person appointment, it meant driving up to Halifax. We took the opportunity to book a hotel and spend the night, knowing that we had some shopping we wanted to do in the city. Shortly after the oncologist got into…
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Quality of my remaining life
I have been thinking a lot lately about the quality of my remaining life, and how that might be affected by chemo. Please don’t say to me “you’ve gone this before, you can do it again”. Those seem to be the worst words I can hear right now. I don’t want a repeat of what…
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Self-care and setbacks
I’m staying at a friends place, watching her dog (who is Cali’s bestie). It has been nice to be a little bit away from the chaos and I’ve been sleeping really well. Making coffee the other day I had a bit of a mishap. My forearm when over the steam of the kettle and I…
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The in-between space
I’m living in the in-between space and it causes me to get anxiety that I sometimes cannot control. It is the waiting time, not knowing what will happen in my short term future. Part of the challenge with that is, when you are diagnosed with cancer, your future becomes your short term future. It becomes…
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Today I went for a hike
My friend and I hiked around Indian Garden Farms. We have done it many times – but only once this year. We really haven’t been hiking much this year in part because the weather has been terrible, and in part because I’ve been spending most of my days painting. I really felt the need for…
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Lab results
After a slightly frustrating Tuesday, I did receive the lab report first this Wednesday morning. It was really helpful to be able to read the report and process the information – especially given the way the surgeon will rush through things if I don’t slow her down. She took a huge chunk out of me…
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Healing takes time
It can be really frustrating to remind myself that healing takes time. I got my drain out on Tuesday – yay. In addition to removing the drain, she also removed the steristrips over the incision. When I got home, I saw the incision for the first time. I knew it was bigger than my previous…
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Denial is a powerful tool
I’m mostly in denial at the moment – in some ways feeling the “impostor syndrome” that I felt before I had my initial diagnosis. I know there is something, but part of me is still thinking that just maybe, the biopsy will come back saying we made a mistake and there isn’t any cancer. It…
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Healing Notes
I had my surgery follow up appointment with my surgeon Tuesday. Unfortunately, I’m still producing too much fluid for my drain to be removed. This means that I still cannot shower. However, they did remove the dressings over the incision except the steristrips. I now have the magic number – 30mL – when my drain…
