Clearing the brain

I got some good news today. The results of the CT scan of my head are clear, meaning there is no sign of cancer in my brain. I’m cancer free – actually, I’ve been cancer free since my surgery back in August (August 23rd – I had to look it up). However, without the brain scan there was a lingering question. I have headaches – are they caused by cancer in my brain. The answer is no. That is a huge relief.

I am finding that I’m worrying about every new feeling in my body being a sign of cancer. That being said, it is more of a passing worry – or passing thought – that I usually dismiss.

I’m now 2/3 of the way through radiation. I’m getting tired of being in Halifax all week without my puppy. I’m looking forward to a long weekend at home. Next week treatments start on Tuesday and now run until Friday. We will head home tomorrow right after my treatment.

Since I don’t have fatigue yet, I’m trying to get outside for exercise. In Halifax that has mostly been walking (it is cold and windy out today). I’m hoping that tomorrow and the rest of the weekend I’ll be able to get out cross country skiing and snowshoeing. I am wondering if my intentional activity is what is fighting off the fatigue from radiation. At least that is what I have been hoping.

I’ve also been thinking about cancer anniversaries. Since my first diagnoses, every year on December 17, I’ve been celebrating another year of being cancer free. It was a significant date that I marked with close friends. Now my cancer free date is August 23rd. It doesn’t really feel like a significant date – I actually had to go back to my calendar to see which day my surgery was! I do remember December 17, 2015 and initially thinking I didn’t want to do anything – I mostly felt sad – since then, I found I like to spend that day by having dinner with a few close friends. I might keep that tradition up, regardless of this recurrence.

With the clear brain scan, clear bone scan, and clear chest/abdominal CT (except the cancerous lymph nodes), this really has been a regional recurrence. In some ways, my thinking is more that I will be leaving with this cancer forever. I will be NED – no evidence of disease – but I’ll be on some form of treatment for a while yet. I still have to finish out the year of herceptin. In the summer I’ll most likely be starting some form of hormone therapy for an indeterminant amount of time. It is like starting over again – because it is starting over again – only this time the surgery and chemo were much easier on my body.

Today, I know that my brain is cancer free. That is a win!