It can be really frustrating to remind myself that healing takes time.

I got my drain out on Tuesday – yay. In addition to removing the drain, she also removed the steristrips over the incision. When I got home, I saw the incision for the first time. I knew it was bigger than my previous one, but didn’t realize quite how much bigger it is. The original was about 2 inches. The new one is 3.5 inches. I need to remind myself that healing will take a little bit. It won’t happen overnight.

I had a pretty busy week of doing things, which was nice, but then on Friday I fell. I was onsite, and the ground was pretty flat from a hill perspective, but uneven gravel. I’m not even sure what happened. One minute I was turning to walk in another direction, the next minute I was on the group. Of course, I didn’t just fall, I fell in front of the site manager and a bunch of my new neighbours. Fortunately, I wasn’t seriously hurt – I scraped up my knee a little and my arm was a little sore. Nothing some rest and ice couldn’t resolve.

But the incident reminded me that my body is still healing. I thought that I was at about 25% capacity, thinking that I could do things, just 25% less of it – as too much work tired me out pretty quickly – ending in 2 hour naps! But it isn’t just tired. I also seem to not be able to recover my balance as well as I need to. This is the second fall in two weeks – and a bit of a wake up call to step back and give myself a few more days to heal. So, I’m not allowed onsite this weekend. I want to be there. I want to be painting. I want to help move things forward. But my body is telling me that it needs more time to heal.

I’m not used to being idle – especially in the time when I’m waiting on results. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t have anything that I need to be doing.

I’ve been reflecting in my future – on what I want. A friend recommended that I find three words to describe what I’m looking for in this moment. I did a little interview with ChatGPT and came up with these three words. Here is chatGPTs response:

Of course, Awesome Becky. Based on our conversation and your needs and values, here are three words that can drive your decisions right now:

• Appreciation: Continue seeking roles, projects, and activities where you feel valued and appreciated for your contributions.
  
• Connection: Prioritize opportunities that allow you to build and nurture meaningful connections with people, whether it’s through teaching, hosting, or collaborative projects.
  
• Growth: Embrace challenges and endeavors that promote personal and professional growth, where you can continually learn and figure things out while solving real-world problems.
  

These three words should serve as guiding principles in your decision-making, helping you focus on what truly matters to you and aligning your choices with your values and aspirations.

In general, I think I have the first two covered. I get appreciation and connection through the work I do for Treehouse. Perhaps that is a little where I am frustrated right now, as I’m sidelined for much of that work because I’m not physically able to do it.

Growth is an interesting one. Over the last few years this growth has come from different sources. I published my book – I never knew I wanted to be a breast cancer survivor. That really led to a level of growth that I didn’t expect. I finally felt like I could say “I’m an author”. I have a book that anyone can buy.

I have also done a lot of growth through my teaching. I challenged myself to remove the textbook from the intro course (Dick & Carey) and created my own open source textbook. I also designed and taught a new course on web development for instructional designers. Each semester I try something new – updating course materials or trying out new activities for my students. This helps me continually grow.

With this diagnosis – I’m off for the semester. I’m glad to be able to be officially on medical leave, so I don’t lose my seniority. But it also means that I’m missing that source for growth. I don’t know what to do with myself. I have ideas, but the inertia to get started is such a challenge – especially when I’m feeling sorry for myself because I’m limited to what I can do physically. As an easy stop-gap, I’ve started watching a LinkedIn Learning course about User Experience Design. It is a field that is parallel to what I do as an instructional designer. It is something that I have always felt I’d be good at if I focused and learned about it. We will see.

I remind myself that healing takes time. Test results take time (but really hoping to hear something mid-week this coming week). The future takes time – for now I need to live in the present and allow my body and mind to heal from the trauma of surgery.