I think the hardest part of surgical recovery are the see-saw days. What I mean by that is the constant change between days where you are seeing significant improvements and days were you are feeling significantly worse … and day-after-day the ups-and-downs become more and more challenging.

Now I’m have see-saw aspects to the days. Mentally, I’m feeling better. Physically, not so much. Today’s physical struggles are related to sleeping without the wedge pillow last night. I really wanted to sleep on my side – which I did successfully. The problem was, that when I was too hot I didn’t have the strength to remove the blankets … when I was too cold, same thing … no strength when I was in that position.  For the later part of my night’s sleep I slept on my back without the wedge – and was too flat – I dreamed that I was carrying groceries and then jumped into a swimming pool (no idea why), and then I was unable to get myself out (the groceries magically disappeared) – it was just me and the side of the pool, but the water level was too low – there was no way I get out (it was a 1.5 feet from water level to edge of pool) – then suddenly it was only a few inches from the water level to the edge – and then I woke up … with abdominal pain … my abdomen is not yet ready for the flatness of the bed. I took some pain meds, put the wedge pillow back on the bed, and promptly fell into a silent, dream free sleep for a coupe more hours (thank-you pain meds).

Now I know … we’ll wait a week or two more before we try that experiment again … but it means, physically today is going to be rough … I need to keep reminding myself, it is OK, to up the pain meds today … after a difficult night, I need the extra help … reducing pain meds should happen on good days, not bad ones …

Mentally, I’m doing better. I’m feeling mentally stronger. I’m coping better with the joint pain (hmmm… increased pain med may be partly responsible!) … I’m typing more, and thinking more … I may even start to do some more planning … I’m thinking about academic stuff again, and potential pathways for the future … they call it ‘recovery and renewal’ … the term feels right today.