I’m amused that over the last few days it has been extremely difficult for me to talk, and somehow that has resulted in me not blogging.

I find myself wondering if it is because I cannot even talk to myself! But then, I usually write in my head.

Truthfully, it is probably because I haven’t done much over the last few days but watch TV and sleep, so I don’t really have much to write about (or talk about).

My mouth sores got bad enough for me to ask for stronger drugs.  I have been taking liquid morphine for the last couple of days – originally every 2-3 hours, but now I’ve backed off a bit. I slept through most of last night, which has gone a long way to helping me heal. Prior to that I was waking up hourly (or after morphine every 3-hours) with sharp mouth pain. The sore on the back of my mouth where the bottom of my tongue attaches is the worst. Simple things like eating, talking, even licking my lips are not possible – and the difficulty in clearing food from my mouth and brushing my teeth! So many everyday things we do with our mouths.

But, it is getting better. I no longer feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth – it fits again. The roof of my mouth is still rough, but no longer feels like super scratchy sandpaper – more like the fine grained black sandpaper.

I have a whole new empathy for those who have had severe side effects with chemo. I can appreciate so much more how people find exercise to be a challenge (having not done any since Tuesday).

My excuse for not exercising has been an inability to hydrate enough. On Tuesday I rode my bike out to my eye doctor appointment, and I struggled with the heat and inability to suck water from my water bottle.  The food I had brought with me to help keep up my energy stung when I tried to eat it. In addition to pain from motion, I found that I could not eat anything that was the slightest bit acidic or salty. Fortunately, after the appointment Scott could pick me up afterwards and take me home.

Today I’m going to go to support group, knowing that few people are apt to be there on the long weekend, and I cannot really talk. It will be nice (assuming it is even open) to see familiar faces and just be in the space with people.

We had originally planned to go on a bit of a bike adventure on Sunday – taking the train to downtown San Francisco and riding towards home – however, that microadventure plan is now on hold. We may try it in a couple of weeks if the new chemo regime doesn’t take too much out of me (it is supposed to be easier, but the first couple of weeks might be difficult). Instead, tomorrow we will venture out to the coast for a walk on the beach. It has been a while since I’ve been out to see the ocean (rather than the Bay, which we see almost daily). I look forward to the smells and the sound of the rolling and crashing waves.