I realized the other day that one of the things I’m struggling with right now is self-confidence. After cancer, I had a don’t care attitude that allowed me to not worry about things. That gave me a confidence and strength to tackle things. Over the last year, I’ve lost that.
I realize now that I need to get it back. I need to peel away the impostor syndrome and regain my sense of knowing what I know, but also knowing that I will never be the expert on everything – that I will always be able to learn from others, but that learning from others doesn’t take away from the expertise that I also have.
It is a weird sense, but I need to remind myself that I should not care so much about what I think others think of me, rather, I should just be me and share what I know with a sense of self-confidence, because what I do know adds value to the conversation.
It is weird, but this term, listening to the background of all my students, it is intimidating. I worry that they will think that I don’t know what I’m doing – or that I don’t know much – and then I realize, this is exactly the type of thought patterns that I do not need. My job and passion is to design and to teach. I can share what I know, with the understanding that everyone has different perspectives and we all have something to share. I don’t need to be the expert in everything – but also that I do bring value to the table.
And so, I need to stop worrying about what others think of me. This is something that I was able to do easily after cancer, and it is something that made me a better teacher. Now that I realize that what was sneaking up on me was my old sense of impostor syndrome, that I can now put that aside and get back to being the teacher that I am.