BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor

Tag: sad

  • Recommended reading

    Kelley Doyle Philbin writes an elegant post entitled “EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW IN LIFE I LEARNED WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER!” that I highly recommend. I found a lot of her words resonated – both with my experience and with the experiences that others have shared with me during various support groups that I attend. Her words so elegantly reflect the reality for many women.

    I am sad whenever I hear of men leaving when their partner has breast cancer. I find myself wishing for these women that they find a real man (or women) – one who truly loves them for who they are – as I have been so lucky to find my true life partner. Any man (or women) who is so shallow doesn’t deserve the love of the strong women who are cancer warriors.

    I also worry, not about my husbands love for me, but about his health – and what he needs to be doing to take care of himself, because it is a lot to take care of me and I cannot adequately take care of him. At least not right now, not in this moment, when I’m too focused – sometimes feeling selfishly focused – on me. But knowing also, that part of being a warrior is being selfish when I need to be – cause right now, I need strength to mentally (more so than physically) get through two more rounds of AC chemo and 12 rounds of T chemo!

    Soon, this shall trump both RAGBRAI and Africa as the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!

     

  • Day 3 is just plain hard

    Today is day 3 and it is a hard day. It was a hard day last cycle too. I am thankful that there will only be two more cycles of AC and that means only two more day threes.

    Why is day three so hard? The neulasta pains are crazy. It isn’t a new kind of muscle pain – pain from the inside out. It hurts to swallow but it isn’t a sore throat. It is the muscles around the throat and the neck that all just plain hurt. And this makes me feel sad.

    I walked this morning, and I even biked a short bit this afternoon, but that didn’t seem to prevent the pains – although it was nice to get out – it is also very hot outside today – so I am thankful that we have central air!  But it is still hard. It is a day a sleep a lot and watch TV a lot …

    The biopsy on Monday means I couldn’t swim today, so I missed my magical afternoon swimming with my clothing on. I will not allow anything to disrupt that routine next cycle as I think it is one of the things that helps me get through it. I’d also like to do Reiki on day 3, but my Reiki healer is away this week, so I don’t see her until Tuesday. Hopefully, she will be in next cycle.

    So, now I know, day 3 is hard, but it is just one day … tomorrow will be better.

    The good news today is that we finally got some of the scheduling figured out. There was a mix up on the schedule for chemo, so they had the wrong type listed for the second round. So, now I know my last infusion date is set for November 17th.  So, surgery will be either December 10 or December 17 (I need to decide which date to have them hold). So, Hawaii will be the week of December 1st … something to look forward to …

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