BC Becky

Never Thought I’d Want to be a Breast Cancer Survivor

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  • “Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!”

    A friend said to me “Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!” Honestly, before I had breast cancer, I always thought that if I had cancer, that would be my reaction – just get it out of me. I find it very interesting that it is very much NOT my reaction. The…

  • Caution – this one talks a bit about death …

    First off, I must start this with a couple of pictures from my beautiful ride up Mount Hamilton this afternoon. It took me 2 hours to climb the 7 miles (not quite 11km) of all up hill. Throughout the climb I found myself stopping in shaded corners to both catch my breath and cry.  When…

  • My quantified and qualified self

    I started writing this post a few days ago, but never found the time to finish it. Today is a day off of doctors appointments, although I am expecting a call from the oncologist (onc) at PAMF regarding the results the tumor board there. Let me start by saying I’m a mixed-methods researcher. That is,…

  • Long day at Stanford

       Our day began by driving up to Stanford early so that we could avoid too much rush hour stress. We decided to check out breakfast at the cancer center. We shan’t be bothering with that plan again, as all the options involved eggs which I cannot eat that often. Oh Well. The coffee was…

  • Double-mastectomy and chemo

    If I’m repeating myself, I apologize. One thing that I’ve noticed over the last two or three days is that my short-term memory sucks. I cannot seem to hold thoughts for that long, and I am very often walking into a room having completely forgotten why I was there. Worse, is that I sit in…

  • The challenge of time and holding a thought

    Right now I’m finding that my biggest challenge is time. Things are moving so very quickly, and I’m trying to manage many different appointments, phone calls, blog posts, an other notifications and minute (not sure I’ve spelled that right, just say it with a French accent). Most of yesterday was spent dealing with my eyes.…

  • And so it begins

    The slow start to yesterday meant that I didn’t get my second blog post written. I shall try and get caught up today (before I completely forget what I was going to write about), but no guarantees. So yesterday we received some mixed news about the pathology. Specifically, the cancer in both breasts is IDC (invasive ductal…

  • A tough day

    I didn’t sleep well last night, and I know that sleep directly affects how I feel the next day. Reality is starting to settle in, but also fear. With every pain in my body I’m wondering if it is spread. Does the blister on my hand mean anything? How about that pain in my breast?…

  • The role of fate in my life

    Although I don’t believe in a god per se, I do believe in some form of fate. Throughout our bicycle journey (http://goingeast.ca/blog) we often felt that something was looking out for us. When I started my PhD, I reflected on fate here. I think that fate played a role in helping me be prepared for the challenges…

  • A typo and an update

    Sorry, I clearly need to do a better job proof reading … I don’t have enough information yet to be talking about stages. Stage is a measure of the progression of the disease, and more needs to be known. I’m guessing stage 2 based on the size of the tumor on the left breast, but…

  • Impostor syndrome (no longer)

    This morning it occurred to me that what I was feeling was what we call in PhD land, impostor syndrome. This hits most often when you first begin your PhD – the idea that you do not belong, you are a faker in this community. I have struggled with it at various times throughout my…

  • The speed of things

    Everything is either too fast or too slow. I feel like the cancer is growing too fast. With each new ache in my body I am worried about it spreading. Is this another symptom? Has it reached my lymph nodes? I am constantly wondering, should I be worried about this or that? And at the…

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