BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor

Category: recovery

  • Catching up with some pictures

    I’m getting a little behind on posting pictures. I took this one of me at my tree last Friday (Feb 6). The area around the tree was a muddy mess filled with construction trucks. It appears that many of the trees in boxes are being relocated to their more permanent homes. Because we have actually had rain, the grounds are green and soft, so the trucks tore it all up and made a muddy mess of it. I had to hop in, take a quick selfie, and leave for fear of trees tumbling down.

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    Later that day, in the pouring rain, our friends from Ottawa, John and Alison came to visit. Fortunately our condo has a community room area that we could use, so their grandson had lots of space to roll around and play while we had a chance to visit. It was so nice to see familiar faces :-).

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    Over the last week I’ve been doing more biking. I’ve been able to ride my bikes for just over an hour and generally get in about 17 km. I do find that on my foldie my hands get tired, so I’ve been riding my ‘bent more often. The biggest issue with the ‘bent was getting my leg up from the ground to my pedal – which I’m getting better at. I do find myself worrying about balance on it – but clearly not that much, since I took these two selfies while riding (on different days).

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    It feels really good to be back on the bike and getting some decent exercise. I’m also continuing with the Living Strong Living Well program at the Y. I do find at times that I struggle with motivation to get out, but once I get there I leave feeling so much better both mentally and physically. So, I try to remind myself of that good feeling when I’m having trouble coxing myself out the door.

    My neuropathy does seem to be improving. As a way to measure, Scott and I went back to the Penetencia Creek trail to walk. Yesterday, I managed a 6.66km walk in the same 2 hours that previously I struggled to make 5km. Walking that bit further meant that we got to explore new areas of Alum Rock Park. It is incredibly beautiful – a real gem – and only a 20 minute drive from our apartment.

    What really strikes me as different is that I recover a lot faster from the foot pains. Previously, I’d not be able to walk or stand again for the rest of the day. Yesterday, after the long walk and a couple of hours off my feet, I was able to stand in the kitchen for over an hour making dinner. It is something that I would have not have been able to do two weeks ago!

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

     

  • Advanced wound care

    Yesterday was my first visit to the Advanced Wound Care Center up at Stanford. Fortunately, they are at the Redwood City location, which among other things has free parking that is close to the offices – so although it is further away, it takes about 15 minutes less time for me to get to the appointment. I also see my nail doctor there today – again, glad to be at Redwood City as Obama is at the main campus today making traffic, which is already bad, a true nightmare!

    At the wound clinic the nurse measured the extent of my wounds. In particular, the ones on my stomach – which are actually two separate wounds – there is a bridge between them. In each case the wounds are a minimum of 1 cm deep with some tunneling on the edges. Fortunately, my insurance approved the SNaP system, so my surgeon and a nurse installed it (it takes two sets of hands to get the tape on. Scott took some before and after pictures (click link to see before picture: http://dttocs.smugmug.com/photos/i-ftLwSWg/0/M/i-ftLwSWg-M.jpg) and after:

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    What I’m liking most about it, is that I no longer need to change my own dressings. It is amazing how much quicker it is going to bed at night and get up in the morning when I don’t need to also change dressings. I’m also feeling a lot more mobile with this, than I did with the packed wet-dry dressings. I no longer need to wear an abdominal pack to soak up any seepage. I have, however, found that the hose has fallen off a couple of times. I’m armed with the primer stick that allows me to re-prime the device when it loses suction. So far, that has happened twice – once when I dropped the cartridge from my pocket (most be more careful with it), and once when I was jostling things around to find a comfortable placement in my clothing.

    The cartridge itself is about the size of a deck of cards, but a lot lighter (it’s all plastic). The system came with a band that could be put on one’s arm or leg, but that doesn’t really work when the wound is on the stomach. I made a modification, using the clip from the leg band and one of the drain belts my surgeon gave me before my last surgery. This works well, as I can wear it in the middle of my stomach while sleeping (so I can turn from side to side in the night without it getting in the way). I also find that it works well under a t-shirt when I’m out and about during the day.

    In some ways it is like having drains all over again, but in so many ways it is not! For one thing, don’t need to empty it. If the device gets full before a dressing change, then a new cartridge can be used. I also am not required to be on antibiotics with this device (unlike when I had drains). It does, however, require that I go to the wound clinic twice a week to have the dressings changed. So, for now until either the wound heals, or my next surgery (March 17), I’ll be going up to the clinic twice a week. It does feel a lot better than walking around with an open wound!

     

  • Should I blog? and why I blog

    One of the projects that is currently using up my limited free time is a free online course that I’m building titled  “Should I blog? Everything you want to know about blogging your cancer journey“. I have always wanted to be the facilitator for a free online course, and I realized that the only thing stopping me from doing it was me. And so, if you want to start blogging but don’t know how to get started, feel free to join us. The course begins March 1st and the signup and course content will all be posted to http://shouldiblog.org. 

    In preparing the content for the first week, I asked a bunch of volunteer cancer bloggers (cancer blog mentors) why they blogged. I realized that I had not posted why I blog. Sure, I say a little about it on the landing page for this site, but really, I wanted to take some time (and this post) to really reflect on not just why I blog, but why I blog as much as I do.

    I began blogging in the first few days after diagnosis. At that time, it was too hard to say the words. As I mentioned earlier this week, the hardest thing I had to do was phone my mother and say the words “I have breast cancer”. I just couldn’t talk about it. I was not ready for telephone conversations, but my family and friends needed to know what was happening. I also had at the back of my mind, that my blog could serve as useful data for research. Maybe even a new dissertation topic for me, as my thesis research project couldn’t survive me not being in Ottawa to keep it going. I wanted my experience to be meaningful. It didn’t make sense for me to go through this journey without somehow sharing the experience so that others could learn from it.

    I also had a compulsion to write. I still have that compulsion. It is my therapy. It is how I process my thoughts and ideas. But for me, writing has always needed an audience. I’ve never been able to simply write for the sake of writing. I’ve always needed to write for someone – or write to teach someone. I was a technical writer before I was a blogger. Again, my writing was always meant to be shared with people.

    I remember the first couple of days after diagnosis, before I started blogging. I remember all the ideas that were popping into my head – all the great blog post titles – and the frustration that I had at not sharing them. Not getting them out of my head and onto the page. I needed to blog.

    When I wasn’t feeling well, and when I was struggling, I reminded myself that my blog served as a testimonial about my experience. It was important to me that I wrote something, even when I didn’t want to. If I am to use the information in research, it is important that I have an accurate account of my experience. So, I used that as motivation to keep writing even when I didn’t feel like it. Throughout treatment, blogging and exercise became my full time job.  This is turning out to be useful for a clinical trial I’m participating in, as my blog provides a more accurate reflection of when I started to feel symptoms of neuropathy. So, even if it isn’t useful in my personal research, it is useful in research that I’m participating in.

    As a blogger, I am flattered when someone leaves a comment on my blog about how my blog has helped them, or if they share a Facebook comment about my post. This helps keep me motivated. It helps me know that there is value in my writing beyond my personal therapy. I’ve had many people also comment to me that my blog has helped them better understand what it means to experience breast cancer. I’ve had many people who have breast cancer tell me that my blog has helped them to process their journey. So I keep writing, not only because I have to, but also because people encourage me to keep doing it.

  • Getting back on the bike

    On the theme of making improvements in my recovery, I went for a bike ride this afternoon. For the first time since the third week of Taxol (when I had to stop biking), I felt strong as I biked 17km (1hr10min). Looking back, I cycled that distance only once a month since September. At the beginning of taxol I was riding 15-20+ km four or five times a week! So, it is a huge signal to me that my body is not only healing, but that I am regaining strength. The last two times that I was strong enough to ride that far, I went into surgery within the week. Today’s ride was on my foldie bike, which is upright. This also signals a return to strength in my upper body. I’m looking forward to several more longer rides before my next surgery. Every bit of strength I can gain will make recovery go that much quicker.

    I took a couple of pictures with my new phone (iPhone 6). The camera is much better than my old phone (iPhone 4S), but I clearly I wasn’t using it right. Next time, I’ll need to try with one of the camera apps that gives me a little more control over the image.

    Across the river from our house is a grassy field (it is a water overflow area, so nothing is built on it). It was full of these ground hog / ground squirrels that live in it. It seemed that this afternoon, most of the them were standing up at attention trying to soak in the sun!

    Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

    The white egret was also feeding in the river. You can really see how all the grasses have been pushed down by the flood waters over the last few days. On the weekend the underpasses were flooded. Today, the paved route was clear of water, but the lower tracks were flooded in some places. It is quite interesting to see just how much and how quickly the river floods, but also just how quickly it recedes.

  • Updating my calendar

    You know you’ve turned a corner when you are finally adding things to your calendar that are not doctors appointments! Although, frankly, doctors appointments and treatments still fill my days.

    I’m in full time calendar management mode. Some of it is managing various doctors appointments, and recovery treatment sessions. But the real change, is that I’m also adding in some academic conferences. Way back in my chemo days, I signed up for the Technology, Knowledge, and Society conference that is being held at Berkeley at the end of the month (fast approaching). I even included a poster based upon my prior research. I signed up because a friend from Australia was going to be attending, but as it turns out, her work situation changed and she won’t be coming after all. I have, and continue to, debate whether or not I’ll go and how much of the conference I’ll attend. The first day looks like it will be a challenge with my other appointments, but my presentation is scheduled for the second day and I don’t have anything else pressing that day (at the moment). So I might as well attend!

    I also have a surgery date for my next surgery – March 17. It is the soonest possible date for surgery – exactly three months after my last surgery. Since this is not a cancer surgery, the scheduling is done on a “wait list” basis. The scheduler says that there is a 95% chance that the surgery will happen that day, but it could get bumped for trauma or cancer surgery. Given that my last surgery was a 12-hour cancer surgery, which didn’t get bumped when a lot of other surgeries did, I can accept that my surgery might not be the priority this time. I’m still a little uncertain about this surgery, in that I have no clue what the recovery will look like. There is a lot of information on the web about lumpectomies, mastectomies, and DIEP reconstruction surgery so I went into my last two surgeries with a pretty solid idea of what the recovery would look like. That isn’t the case with this one. In theory, it is an easier surgery. It is 3 hours under anesthesia, which is a big challenge for me. The actual surgery involves meticulous and precision clean up of scar tissue, which is why it takes so long, but the wounds themselves are not deep, so the healing should be a lot faster.

    With the planned surgery date, I’m now planning other aspects of my life. I’m hoping (now seriously planning) to attend the Emerging Technologies for Online Learning conference in Dallas in April (co-presenting a poster), and the Ed Media conference (haven’t decided yet about presenting) in Montreal in June.

    In addition, my husband and I want to fit in a two week vacation to explore parts of California. This is perhaps one of the hardest things to plan. We want to book campsites in advance, but I just don’t know how able I’ll be for camping. I’m making a huge assumption based upon how I feel now. In theory I’ll also need to be doing more walking / hiking in preparation for the Avon Walk (please if you can support our team as we haven’t made our minimum to participate yet: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR?team_id=141489&fr_id=2404&pg=team). Neuropathy in my feet makes it extra challenging. At the moment, I can walk for about 30 minutes before the numbness in my feet becomes bothersome. I am so hoping that this improves – it is not a ‘new normal’ that I want!

    So for now, I’m watching my to do list pile up, and I’m adding more and more to my schedule. Life is starting to get back to the chaos that it was before cancer, and that’s a good thing!

     

     

  • Getting ‘dressed’

    I hate changing my dressings. At the moment, I  am required to do it three times a day. The breast dressing is no big deal. It is a matter of ensuring that it is adequately moist – so adding a little ointment and slapping on a new patch of xeroform. The stomach dressing, well that is a whole other thing.

    As I mentioned previous post, I have a hole in my belly. I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon where I am hoping to have a SnAP negative pressure wound system installed. Once it it is in place, I won’t be changing my belly dressings. They would get changed twice a week at the Stanford Would Care center by someone who knows that they are doing.  Until then, I need to pack damp/wet gauze into the wound three times a day. I don’t mind the packing, I just hate the unpacking. I remove the gauze which is a particular shade of blue and red (http://dttocs.smugmug.com/photos/i-JxKRZJz/0/M/i-JxKRZJz-M.jpg), and has a smell that I have come to dislike. It isn’t infected. It is all “normal”. What gets removed with the gauze when I change the dressing promotes healing (at least that is what I’m told), but I still hate doing it. I’m so looking forward to not needing to!

    So this morning I’m delaying. I’m catching up on email, watching videos of all the crazy snow in Kitimat (the town were I grew up), drinking coffee, and writing this blog post instead of doing my dressing change.

    OK, time to end the procrastination and get ‘dressed’.

  • Chemotherapy Induced Peripheral Neuropathy

    Effective treatment of established CIPN, however, has yet to be found. Lastly, paclitaxel causes a unique acute pain syndrome which has been hypothesised to be caused by neurologic injury. No drugs, to date, have been proven to prevent this toxicity.”
    (Wolf et al, 2008, p.1507)

    It occurred to me just yesterday that I need to do more research on chemotherapy induced peripheral neuropathy (CIPN). I have been in denial for a long time about my neuropathy. Not denial about it happening – as that cannot be ignored – but denial about how long it will take to heal. I stopped the Paclitaxol chemo early (Oct 30) because it was causing neuropathy. When I was in Maui after the end of chemo, the neuropathy  got much worse – and that is when I started taking medication for it. It has now been three months since my last chemotherapy treatment, and I have yet to see a significant improvement in the neuropathy. I’m afraid that at some point, I will need to accept it, but I’m still hopeful of it improving.

    The biggest challenge it poses is walking and standing. I can now walk for 30 minutes before the pain becomes too much and I need to sit down. I still do walks/hikes that are about 2 hours long, but I need to stop and rest my feet for about a minute or two every 10-15 minutes after the first 30 minutes. I am, however, getting to the point where I really don’t like the feeling of the pain. I’m not sure if it is because the feeling is changing, or that because I’ve cut out all the narcotic pain killers, that I’m more acutely aware of the pain when it happens.

    Gabapentin, and its newer analogue pregabalin, have been commonly used in clinical practice to treat symptoms of CIPN, in part due to anecdotal information suggesting potential utility.45 Nonethe-less, this NCCTG randomised, double-blinded, placebo-con-trolled crossover trial (n = 115) illustrated that gabapentin was no better than placebo in ameliorating pain (p = 0.18) or symptoms of peripheral neuropathy (p = 0.38). (Wolf et al, 2008, p.1512)

    Case series reports of two67 and ten68 patients have sug-gested that gabapentin can prevent the paclitaxel-induced acute pain syndrome. Despite the data noted above that dem-onstrate that gabapentin does not effectively alleviate the chronic CIPN associated with paclitaxel, the recent suggestion that paclitaxel-induced acute pain syndrome is, in fact, a pro-cess involving nociceptive fibres that, clinically, is distinct from paclitaxel-induced peripheral neuropathy, suggests a potential for the clinical utility of gabapentin in this situation. (Wolf et al, 2008, p.1513)

    In reading about neuropathy, I am told that it can take 18 months to 5 years to improve, and it may not completely go away. I’m generally not impressed with what I read about it. It sounds like little research has gone into figuring out why it happens or how to improve it. Permanent neuropathy was my fear during chemotherapy. At infusion number 6 I was terrified that the damage being done to my nerves was going to be permanent. Turns out,  that I was not wrong to be afraid. The chemo was working at killing at least some of my cancer, but at a cost. One of the sayings in cancer land is that chemotherapy is ‘the gift that keeps on giving’ … in that, for years afterwards you are still dealing with the side effects.

    I did sign up to participate in a clinical trial that seeks to better understand taxane specific peripheral neuropathy. I’ll also be trying out an experimental treatment  – actually, the treatment is a randomized clinical trial, so I have a 50% chance of actually getting the treatment, and 50% chance of placebo.

    I have also signed up to start cancer recovery physical therapy. My first appointment is the week after next. There are so many aspects of my physical health that I hope physical therapy can help (achy joints, a pain in my left foot). There are also some treatments that might help with the neuropathy, although there is no proven treatment. Even the Gapapentin that I take is only seen as “anecdotal” in its effectiveness.

    The good news is that the neuropathy is not an indicator in the outcomes of the chemotherapy (Schneider et al, 2012). That means that the fact that I have neuropathy does not determine whether or not the chemotherapy was effective on treating the cancer itself. I suppose this isn’t actually ‘good news’, rather it is ‘indifferent news’ as it doesn’t really mean anything!

    One of the challenges I’m facing now is planning. I want to plan a vacation. We have a general idea of when we want to go (late May or early June), but I have no idea how I will be feeling. Typically, our vacations involve a lot of activity – hiking, swimming, snorkeling, biking, etc – but I have no idea what activities I’ll be physically able to do. In addition to the neuropathy, I’m awaiting surgery to clean up my scar tissue and fix my open wounds (not before March 17, but hopefully shortly there after). I’m a planner. I like to have things planned out. But I cannot plan anything right now. I’m stuck with living life day-to-day and waiting to see how things turn out.

    My frustration is amplified a bit today because it is raining. We desperately need the rain – actually, more than rain we desperately need some snow pack in the Sierra-Nevada so that our summer isn’t so dry. So, it is good that it is raining, but that also means I cannot get out and bike. Biking is enough work right now when the weather is ideal – so no, I’m not being a wimp by not biking in the rain – ok, maybe I’m being a little bit of a wimp but I have earned it! Hopefully I’ll be back on the bike on Tuesday 🙂

    References

    Schneider, B. P., Zhao, F., Wang, M., Stearns, V., Martino, S., Jones, V., . . . Sparano, J. A. (2012). Neuropathy is not associated with clinical outcomes in patients receiving adjuvant taxane-containing therapy for operable breast cancer. J Clin Oncol, 30(25), 3051-3057. doi:10.1200/JCO.2011.39.8446

    Wolf, S., Barton, D., Kottschade, L., Grothey, A., & Loprinzi, C. (2008). Chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy: prevention and treatment strategies. Eur J Cancer, 44(11), 1507-1515. doi:10.1016/j.ejca.2008.04.018

  • It is odd not having feeling on your chest

    It is odd not having feeling on your chest. This is something that surgeons have a nasty habit of forgetting to tell you. My surgeon certainly didn’t say anything about this lack of feeling. I’d read about it, so I thought I was prepared, but really, I wasn’t. On one front, the lack of feeling is a good thing – it means you don’t feel the horrible wounds as they heal. But, on the other front, it is completely disconcerting. I can understand not feeling implants, as they aren’t a part of your natural body, but when you do a flap reconstruction, they are part of your body, and yet you do not have feeling.

    Imaging what your face feels like after going to the dentist for a filling. You know the side of your face is still there, but it does not have feeling. I look down and I can physically see that my breasts are there. I can touch them with my hands. I can feel that they are warm. But most of my front (breast area and belly area) are numb – just like after the dentist – only, I don’t know if my body will ever grow nerves in these areas. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that area again.

    I first noticed this lack of sensation when I was carrying a box up from the car. The box was light but bulky. I noticed that when I held it, I had no sense of where my body was. I couldn’t tell how much pressure I was using with my arms, because I didn’t have the sense of response to the pressure in my chest.  It was very weird.

    I was reminding of it again when I did a chair massage at Stanford on Friday. They have massage therapists that give free chair massages to anyone who is waiting. This was the first time I’ve had the time to do it. When I climbed into the chair, it occurred to me, that leaning forward was going to produce the oddest of sensations. I did lean forward into the chair, but I found I had to visually check to see. I didn’t have the the sensory cue that I was leaning against something.

    I was chatting today with a women who has implants. One of the challenges she has is that they make her hyper sensitive to both hot and cold temperatures. It is worse than having nothing, because, instead of having living flesh she has saline implants against her chest wall – which get cold or hot very easily. This was one of the reasons why I didn’t want implants. I had heard that they can be cold (and really an issue as a Canadian who someday will again experience living through winter), but I had not heard that they can also get hot. That would make Ottawa unbearable much of the year! Since I don’t have implants, my construction is living flesh, they feel warm to the touch – just like the rest of my skin. It occurs to me now, that I’ll need to be extra careful about frostbite – as I won’t feel them getting cold. I won’t have the cue to warn me that I need to do something. This is one reason why many plastic surgeons don’t recommend underwire bras after surgery. If the wire were to break through into the skin, you wouldn’t know it.

    The impact of not having feeling is just starting to settle in. On Wednesday I will be 8-weeks post surgery, and will be allowed to lay on my stomach again (putting weight on my chest). This matters because it means I can get a proper massage. But the whole idea of laying down on my chest is also rather scary. Without feeling, I cannot tell if there is something wrong. I just can’t feel it!

  • There’s a hole in my belly …

    There’s a hole in my belly, dear Liza, dear Liza,
    There’s a hole in my belly, dear Liza, a hole!
    (Sang to the tune of the famous Childrens song)

    Sorry, the song has been going through my head all afternoon! I have a hole in my belly. If you are interested in what it looks like, you can see in this photo (not for those who are squeamish about such things: http://dttocs.smugmug.com/photos/i-f7gnvM7/1/M/i-f7gnvM7-M.jpg). It is a bit interesting, as you can clearly see the layer of fat tissue that exists underneath the skin layer. The skin layer is actually pretty thick – such that the hole is almost 1cm deep.

    Went to the plastic surgeon today and she confirmed that although I have a hole, it is “healthy” tissue – so no signs of infection (I’m doing something right). She also confirmed that the breast wound is actually healing (new skin is growing). For the belly wound, I’m being referred to the wound center for weekly (or twice weekly) care. She is also putting in an authorization to my insurance for a SNaP wound system (crossing my fingers that I don’t react to the adhesive!). This puts negative pressure on the wound which helps it heal. It can reduce healing time to half; however, it means I’ll be visiting the wound clinic twice a week until my next surgery (seeing my surgeon once a week at the wound clinic). That being said, it very well may not heal without surgery, so we have also kicked off the process for the revision surgery. I’m now waiting for various phone calls to find out when my next series of appointments will be.

    I was really nervous taking a shower after today’s doctor visit. It is interesting, because I’ve been showering with the wound all along. The only difference today, is that the doctor cleaned it out a bit. You can clearly see the fat layer now, where before there was a layer of dead skin over top. Fortunately, it didn’t really make a difference. Showering felt the same as it did before.

    I’m also surprised that I’m not so nervous about the next surgery. I’m actually eager to get it over with. I’d like to feel like I’m healing, and like this whole ordeal is behind me. The biggest obstacle to that ending is this revision surgery (which hopefully will be the final surgery). The surgery itself will take about three hours. It is long, but all the work being done is superficial. Mostly it will be scar clean-up, but there will also be some liposuction and moving around of some fat (to fill in gaps to make my breasts rounder). From my readings, it sounds like the lipo is actually more painful than the scar cleanup is. I’m a bit nervous because it is something new, but I’m hopeful that this time I’ll be going into a surgery with normal red blood cell and hematocrit levels. This should make a huge difference on recovery. I’ll also be stronger.

  • When do I get to say, I had breast cancer?

    So I did it. Yesterday, on my birthday of all days, I started taking tamoxifen. This is a medication that blocks your body’s production of estrogen – which is what was feeding my cancer. It is interesting, as the information package talks about how the medication is used to treat breast cancer. It is used to significantly decrease the likelihood of recurrence – mostly used in pre-menopausal women who had hormone positive cancer. After menopause, the drug group of choice are known as Aromatise inhibitors (AIs). It is expected that after a couple of years on tamoxifen, that I’ll be switched over to AIs as they may be more effective. It is a bit of a game of side effects – not sure which is better or worse.

    I was struggling with the idea of tamoxifen until just the other day. My mother-in-law has been trying to convince me for months that tamoxifen isn’t evil, it is not bad, it is nothing like chemotherapy or surgery – rather just something you do. It is something that works for you, to help keep the cancer from returning. But then she said something that worked for me – it works on your body in mostly the same ways hormonal birth control does. I had no trouble taking hormonal birth control, so why should I have difficulty with tamoxifen? For me, that worked. It is interesting the things that stick and the things that don’t. I know for many women, tamoxifen has had negative side effects, but so has AIs, and cancer really sucks too … but for some, the idea that it is a pill a day (somewhat larger than birth control pills) that blocks estrogen in a way that is not dissimilar to the way birth control blocks ovulation, kinda works. It works for me anyways. I can do this.

    In talking with another survivor about tamoxifen yesterday, her comment was that the info package said it was to treat ‘breast cancer’, but she doesn’t have breast cancer anymore. My thought exactly. When do I get to start staying that I had breast cancer rather than I have breast cancer? In my mind, that date was December 17, 2014 – the day that I had a double mastectomy and the last of my three tumors was removed along with any other breast tissue. The pathology confirmed that all my margins were clear – meaning that there was enough healthy tissue surrounding the cancerous tissue to indicate that they got it all. So, I don’t have breast cancer, I had it.

    That being said, I’m still undergoing treatment as a result of breast cancer. My cancer surgery is done. I’ve graduated to 6-month checkups with my breast surgeon. My chemotherapy is done. However, my reconstruction is not yet finished. I still have a couple of gaping wounds that will definitely require another surgery to clean up. I’m weak from the chemotherapy and the surgery. I’ve lost a lot of my muscle mass. I’m working on getting it all back, but recovery is anything but over. So, although I’m done the active treatment for the cancer, I’m not done the treatment as a result of the cancer.

     

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