Six years ago today I was wheeled into the operating room to undergo a 10 hour surgery that removed the last of the known cancer from my body.

I never know how I’m going to feel on this day. I always find myself wondering if I’ll be in a celebratory mood or a sad one. The day usually brings some aspect of both, and certainly an aspect of introspection.

I’m not sad today like I have been in the past on this day. I remember that first year cancerversary. I remember the flood of mixed emotions. Today I seem to have the opposite almost a lack of emotions.

I love the feature image because the character seems to be struggling carrying the six. It is how I feel – that the last six years have been very heavy.

How will I celebrate this day? I will celebrate with a nice dinner and I’ll share a bottle of Nova 7 — local bubbly that just feels like celebration. I’m also going to make some gluten-free carrot cake with cream cheese icing – yum.

It is also our first snowstorm of the year – and a first since returning to Canada. We have had snow a few times, but not a lot. From an Ottawa perspective, this isn’t a huge storm, but from a Nova Scotia perspective it is. Unfortunately, it most likely won’t last. It will be here for a couple of days, but then mid week next week we get warm weather and rain, which will melt away all the snow. Doesn’t look like it will be a white Christmas.

What I’m missing this year is the desert. We spent many of our years in California camping in the desert over winter. I will miss decorating a cactus this year!

I also find myself missing my mom at this time of year. Her birthday was December 24. Thinking of how young my parents died (late 60s), I find myself thinking of how limited my life span in apt to be and how I want to be spending the remaining years of my life. That is the type of reflection that happens when I’m thinking about cancer and how it has impacted my life.

This year is going to be a weird year. Covid means we aren’t traveling. We aren’t camping. Mostly we are taking things day-by-day and one day is blending into the next.

This blog post has gotten to be rather rambly. I’m going to write another at year end that talks more about just how crazy this year has been. But now, I need to leave the computer and make some carrot cake because it isn’t going to make itself!