Yesterday I got back on my recumbent bike and went for a bike ride. Once huge advantage to covid stay-at-home orders is that there is significantly less traffic on the roads. It meant that it was much easier for me to ride over to the path I used to walk and ride throughout chemo and the year following treatment.
I found it was a trip down memory lane. The grasses on the sides of the path were overgrown – to the point that they need to be cut to prevent them being a fire hazard – with the warm weather over the last couple of weeks, things are rather dry here.
As my six year anniversary of my diagnosis approaches, the memories start flooding back. This is about the time that I first felt the mass in my left breast. I had not yet realized that it was a lump – rather I associated it with a sore muscle.
After my bike ride yesterday, the soreness in my left breast returned. When it was cancer, it didn’t hurt, it just felt hard. What I’m feeling now is more an ache – perhaps the ache of loss or the ache of memory. It is likely my mind playing tricks on me – reminding me of all the body pains of the past.
It was a lovely bike ride. I made it down to the mammoth for a visit. I also saw a few white egrets in the creek – descendents of the nesting pair that I watched as I walked that path during treatment.
Every year I find myself wondering, when does this get easier?
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