BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor

Do I avoid the sadness? #celiac

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Becky

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At breakfast this morning I found myself sad.  It was supposed to be a simple breakfast. I brought food that allowed me to participate in a simple breakfast. However that is not how it turned out. People brought contributions that turned simple into exotic, but none of the contributions were gluten free. Even the avocados has yeast on them (various different yeasts contain gluten).

I had my own food. I wasn’t going to starve. But I also couldn’t participate in the treat that was breakfast. I was overcome by sadness. I left. I cried. I went for a walk and enjoyed some of the wonderful wild blackberries which happen to be ripe right now. I decided that tomorrow I will skip breakfast and spend some quality time on my own reflecting as I walk along the beach.

I’ve experienced this intense sadness only a couple of other times. It is usually when there is a treat that is a special experience and where I am completely left out. I find myself reflecting on what the best method for dealing with this. Do I try to find ways to cope and be present or do I just walk away, avoiding the situation all together? It feels like avoiding is just running away from the issue, but I also don’t need the intense sadness in my life. I have enough other things, bigger things, that cause sadness that I don’t need to be sad when I should be enjoying a social gathering.

Tomorrow I’m going to avoid in part because I do not think this is the place or time to deal with this. I don’t think I can not deal with it, I just need to do so at a different time. So tomorrow I will enjoy the sounds of the surf while breathing is the amazing ocean air. This is a healing place so I shall soak in as much healing energy as I can.

 

Comments

3 responses to “Do I avoid the sadness? #celiac”

  1. scottx5

    Rebecca, do you think we become accustomed to sadness? Not like being trapped in it without other options, but certainly another way to perceive the world. The message I sometimes get is that sadness is a failure to appreciate the world, yet it seems like an honest approach to situation. As we grow and run smack into things we’d rather avoid, we must be collecting appropriate responses.

    And, is it avoidance or a kind of weakness to stay away from things you know will set you a negative train of thought? Sounds more like awareness and being kind to yourself.

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  2. Rebecca

    I don’t know that I’d say accustomed to sadness – but perhaps numb to it. For me, I think the worst has more to do with unmet expectations. When something turns out to be totally not what I expected, and I am let down by that – that is when I get hit by my worst sadness. I’ve learned over the years that if I just keep my expectations low enough I can be pleasantly surprised … probably is, you cannot live life with only low expectations – as that in and of itself will lead to a lack of happiness. I need to look forward to some things, and that is when the whole expectations thing hits …

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  3. scottx5

    Yeah, expectations can be a trap. How low do we have to set them to avoid disappointment? And what kind of life would that be anyway? My impression of you is of someone who has high expectations of herself with a tolerance for setbacks. For me I often put the world to too harsh a set of standards and have to watch my reactions.

    I still think it’s a wise choice to step away from things that you find unsupportive. There are times when telling people or organizations their actions were insufficient for your needs just gets brushed away and you need an alternative. Can sadness be an alternative? As in, better to own your sadness as yours rather than accept something that feels false?

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