Year: 2015

It may not seem like much, but today marks an important transition in my healing. It has been four weeks since my surgery, and the first time since my last surgery (November 19) my breasts don’t feel heavy!  They feel like they are starting to soften up (a hard spot that was there yesterday isn’t there today) and they are no longer feeling like I’m carrying around led.

I may still have a drain (although that too seem to be lessening in its output – I’m hopeful that it might be gone by the end of the week as well). My celebration for today is my lighter noobs … I can wear a tank top comfortably without a bra … yay! My skin between my breasts is still pretty sensitive to touch and pressure (so sports bras and tank tops are more comfortable because they don’t have any zippers or clips in the area between my breasts.

As I mentioned back in the beginning, my process has always been to examine my breasts in when I’m in the shower. I stopped doing that during chemotherapy. Right after surgery, my examinations changed to examine the incisions after every shower before putting on dressings. I’m now back to a point where I can examine my breasts again – except now I feel lots of hard spots which before might have indicated tumors – now the hard spots indicate where the internal grafting was done. With time, the hard spots soften and they begin to feel like normal breasts. I lump won’t mean the same thing anymore – as I no longer have breast tissue – except at the skin or perhaps a little against the chest wall (although they try to scrape that off during the mastectomy as the goal was to leave no breast tissue behind).  Now, I don’t know what a lump will mean – but I know that lumps are a normal part of the healing process at this stage, and I celebrate when the lumps dissolve into soft tissue as that is a sign of healing.

I was really hoping to have both my drains pulled today, but truth be told, neither had output low enough to warrant being pulled (close by not quite). I do wonder if it had more do with my mental health than anything else; when, they did remove one of the remaining abdominal drains. So, now I wait another week with one drain … better one than two, but truthfully, I really wanted to see both of them go! Fortunately, the drain removal itself felt like nothing … I didn’t notice it at all. It will be interesting to see if the output of the remaining drain increases because it is now the only abdominal drain. We’ll see how that goes.

Once I have two days in a row with low enough output then I can call and they will pull the final drain. I also have an appointment with my plastic surgeon on Thursday next week, so the final drain might end up going then. I might hold the record for the longest drains … as of tomorrow it will be 4-weeks (ugh).

I’m also feeling achy and my joints are really sore. I didn’t walk again today in part because my foot hurt too much. My left foot hurting meant that I was limping when I walked, which isn’t good for me (this started yesterday evening) … so I figured it was better that I not walk and hope that the foot is feeling better tomorrow. The joints seem to be stiffer today, so I think the walking makes the joints feel better. I’m so looking forward to being able to do other forms of exercise. I’ll be on a bike one week after the drains come out.

I’ve signed up for the Live Strong Live Well program at the Mountain View YMCA. The one I signed up for starts January 28 – so hoping by then that I don’t have drains and I’m mostly off the pain meds. The program is a light workout – but also gives me full access to the YMCA – so I can take any of their classes (zumba and cardio belly dance look interesting to me – might a while before I’m ready for either of those), including the ones in the pool. Once my incisions have healed, I’ll be able to swim again, which will be nice on my sore joints. The interesting part will be the lack of feeling – it will feel very weird to be in the water and not have feeling on parts of my breasts and stomach – not too dissimilar to how I felt swimming with neuropathy when I couldn’t feel parts of my skin in my legs and feet (could feel temperature, just not the sensation of the water). So, it will be interesting to see how it feels the first few times I jump in the water.

It will also be interesting to see how I feel about changing and showering at the gym. My body has a lot of new scars. I’m not particularly vain (heck I posted a link to a picture of my incisions already), so I’d like to think that I’d be OK with just changing and not worrying. If someone stares, I can always say “this is what breast cancer looks like” … but really, that is their problem, not mine.

Right now, I so want a glass of wine … unfortunately, that too shall have to wait until I’m off the pain meds (at least mostly) …

I am very thankful for my friends (and friends of friends) who are helping ensure we stay well fed. Last week was Nancy (one of the Honers) who made us a lovely dinner that lasted three nights, and tonight’s dinner is thanks to Katie, one of my cancer walking and group buddies. I am looking forward to a time when I can return the favour (or pay it forward).

At this time of year, people often blog about new years resolutions – things they will do differently in 2015. I’m not a bit fan of new years resolutions. I’m more of a goal oriented person. I like to set myself goals for the coming year.

My first and foremost goal for 2015 is to recover from cancer treatment. I want to regain my strength. I have four cycling related goals.  The first is to get back on the bike. Before I can ride a bike again, I need to have my drain removed (I still  have two drains which are producing a healthy amount of fluid). The drains will be removed within the next two weeks – as at a certain point it becomes unhealthy to keep them in. Once the drains are out I need to wait one week before I’m permitted to bike – this is because we don’t want any fluid build up after the drains are removed. Then training begins.

I have two local cycle challenges and it is uncertain which order they will occur in. The first is to ride from the fire station to the top of Mount Hamilton. I did this the week before chemo when I was feeling strong, so doing it again will be a demonstration that I’ve gotten my strength back. The other is a ride we had planned for the end of AC chemo, that we had to abandon because the last round of AC knocked me down. This would be for hubby and I get up early one day and take the CalTrain into downtown San Francisco with out bikes and then bike home (or as far as we can during daylight hours). I am hoping that by the end of April I will have achieved both of these.

The bike cycle adventure for the year is the Young Survivor Coalition’s Tour de Pink, in October. They haven’t announced where the West Coast ride will be yet. Unfortunately, they don’t allow recumbents on their rides, so both Scott and I will be riding our road bikes. The fundraising is also going to be a huge challenge, at $2500 each! But the cause it is a good one, and the ride sounds like a lot of work (over 100km/day) but also a lot of fun. The physical challenge will be a true demonstration of getting my health back.

On the walking front, I have two events planned – the Avon Walk (accepting donations now – I need to raise $1880), and the Peak Hike for Prevention (fundraising requirement of $250). I did the Peak Hike last year (bald). It was the last long walk I did, as the effects of Paclitaxol (chemo) made it impossible for me to walk any distance. I was part of an amazing team who have been hiking since the hike started 19 years ago. This year we are trying to grow the group to 50 hikers. I am hoping to be able to do the 11 mile hike rather than the 7 mile one (which I did, but just barely). In preparation for both of these events, I hope to do some more hiking on the various trails that surround us.

On a professional front, at some point I hope to be looking for a job. I need to first ensure that I’ve got my physical strength back – that is my first priority. I’m also working on a four-week free open online course called “Should I blog?” that is targeted towards anyone with cancer who is considering blogging. I plan to offer the first course in March and offer it monthly there after. After the first six month I’ll re-evaluate and see what needs tweaking. So, although I will be looking for a job, that likely won’t start until August or September when I’m feeling strong again.

Although active treatment is over, I do need at least one more surgery. It is what is known as “revision surgery” and is mostly a clean up surgery. Once we see how my body heals, there is an opportunity to go back and tweak different aspects – to fix scars and move fat around to remove lumps and fill in divits. I’m told the surgery is much easier than the one I just had (pretty much anything will be easier than the surgery I just had). I can officially say that this last three months have been the hardest of my life (harder than both Africa and RAGBRAI) – so I am ready to move on.