Travel stress
I used to love traveling. I loved flying to new places, experiencing new cultures, eating new foods. Now travel is stressing me out. I find that I need to plan a lot of the details, and not leave things to chance. I cannot travel as light as I would like, and yet, I cannot carry that much either. I find myself wanting to be that healthy easy going traveller that I used to be. But I’m not. Travel is now complicated.
I now find myself wanting to spend more time at home. Wanting to be in some form of normal routine.
I have a trip planned in two weeks. I’m headed to the UK for a couple of conferences. I’m looking forward to the trip, to visiting various people, to the various experiences of it. But I’m also stressed out about it. When I stress, I try to plan things to reduce the stress, but that takes away the spontaneity of the trip. With each thing that is planned, there is a reduction in the chance encounters that enrich the experience.
And so, perhaps, I need to let go of traveling on my own for a bit. I need to get stronger. I need to get my mind back. I need to feel like I can do this on my own, that I can let go of the need to plan everything and go with the flow – whatever that flow needs to be.
But it sucks that it is all so complicated now!
- Becky
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I feel the same way about travel right now. Part of it must be related to going places for appointments with doctors. So many kilometers and hours to un-fun destinations.
Then there’s expectations. I’m not the same person who can appreciate or even carry through promises. Many things feel less important after the struggle to stay alive after being cornered and beat-up by something I couldn’t even see. Title it, “the world weary self need a rest.” Or, “Does my exhaustion really show?” Or “When do we get the scene where it all falls apart?”
We carry too much along with us. I’ve struggled with some way to make the cancer clinic aware of the damage they did by suggesting I used up too much help at the beginning because I was sick and frightened. But really, fixing them is too much for me and I need to let the heroics go. It sucks on strengths I don’t have to spare so I’ll cut them loose and fix myself. Anyway, why help people who hurt and disrespected me? Better to help others and leave the jerks to their own mess.
Next time I’m asked the rhetorical, “Weren’t the people at Cross Cancer Institute just the best?” I’ll say I don’t know and leave it at that. It will save a lot of room for other stuff.
Have a good trip Rebecca. Seeing you at the Buddies Hangout you looked pretty damn together to me.
Take Care
Scott