Coping with abundance. In this case, it is an abundance of things to do and not nearly enough hours in the day to get them done.

When I first was diagnosed, the answers became clear. I prioritized exercise over everything else. I only worked on projects that I enjoyed doing. I let everything else drop. I gave away contract work – my lack of focus on such things meant that I would not be able to complete things.

Now, I’m starting to undig myself from the hole in which I am in. In some ways, it is like being encased in an egg shell that is the disease. As I am being reborn, I crack open different parts of the shell – and with each crack a whole wave of new information flows my way. New opportunities, and new things to compete with my limited time – An over abundance of things.

I am happy to report that I did successfully break through the procrastination yesterday. I started on one of the contract projects – however I ran into technical issue that stumped me for the rest of the day (and even stumped hubby – so I don’t feel so bad about it now).

I watch as interesting things cross my social media streams. So many new MOOCs (#rhizo15, #GoogleOnAir, …)  that seem interesting and would be great to participate in. I’d also love to have the time to learn more about mobile application development. I am looking inward at myself and trying to figure out where I have been successful in the past, what I enjoy doing regardless of my level of success, where I want to go in the future, and how those two things could possibly intersect. I’m trying to not spend too much time on things that don’t really work for me, things where I feel like my contributions are not valued. I want to avoid the banging my head against a wall feeling … and yet, if I don’t push myself to try some of these new things, if I don’t allow myself to sometimes fail, then I will not grow … and I will not find the opportunities that do work. With success comes the willingness to fail …

So, I’m now trying to figure out how I navigate through this abundance without feeling like I’m aways behind. How I can live in the moment, and be productive, and still have the time for the things my body needs. Exercise is still my priority (or at least it will be when this cold finally goes away – it is loosening its grasp on me so I anticipate that by next week I shall be free of it). I need to get my body strong so that I have more endurance for getting the activities done that require mental focus. For now, I’m dealing with the abundance in triage mode – what must be done today versus what can wait until Monday.

Tomorrow, we head up to Northern California for the Casting For Recovery retreat. I say we, because hubby is driving with me, but he isn’t invited to the retreat. His plan was to camp, but they just snow up there! So, we are in for a cold weekend retreat. In some ways, that will feel nice – we missed winter this year (sorry to all my Canadian and East coast friends who are still buried in it). I am both looking forward to and apprehensive about the retreat. I hope that it is a healing weekend, rather than one that opens wounds. Crossing fingers.