I look good but I feel like crap. Actually, mentally I feel good. I took a higher dose of drugs last night (and more melatonin) so I slept better than I’ve slept in a while. Unfortunately, I’m having another side effect – at least that is what we think it is – we think it is a side effect of chemotherapy – but as the days go by it gets worse 🙁 … my joints are sore. More specifically my ankles, feet, knees, and fingers. I tried doing some yoga positions on the floor, and found myself having to crawl to the bed in order to get up (fortunately, I was strategic in my attempt, so that I was not far from the bed) … I cannot get myself up off the floor … it also means a fair bit of pain in the knees when I use the toilet … I so hope these symptoms subside soon!

On a more positive note, I can do almost normal hugs now. I was so missing getting a real hug from my husband. Two months of fragile afraid to break me hugs had me missing a real hug. So yesterday we tried real hugs – with squeezes and everything – and it worked out … that definitely made me feel much better …. although yesterday I was feeling pretty sorry for myself …

I also got a note from my plastic surgeons office that I can officially allow my noobs to go free – that is, I no longer need to wear a bra of any type. That being said, they still have incision scars that ooze a bit, so I do find that I need something to hold the dressing in place and keep the oozing off my outer clothing – but still – it is nice that my noobs are allowed to be set free!

For my birthday, I think we are going to go camping. I’m planning it now. We are going to rent a tent cabin up at Big Basin Redwoods State Park. The tent cabin means that I’ll be sleeping on a raised bed – so I am not on the ground and can easily get up. The tent cabins have wood stoves for heating, so I won’t get too cold. A couple of friends may also come up and join us that weekend. Big Basin is close, so if things don’t work out, it is an easy trip to get home – but to spend a couple of days in a tent cabin in the woods will be nice – just being able to breath the air, and read a book while sitting under a 2000 year old tree is restorative in and of itself. I could use that about now.