BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor

Tag: social media

  • Moving forward

    I now have a surgery date – December 17th. It isn’t exactly the date I wanted, but it is something that I can work with. With that in place, I can now start to move forward with my life.

    Over the last week I have started to move beyond my diagnosis. My life is becoming less about cancer-Becky and I am looking at a re-emergence as academic-Rebecca. I have talked to my supervisor and put a plan in place that will allow me to move forward with my PhD. I’ve talked to the very supportive folks at the Department of Family Medicine who are also onboard to help me move forward. I am thankful for all the support I’m getting.

    But the whole idea is still rather difficult. I’ve had to turn down a couple of conference presentations – the most recent being Dev Learn – which is disappointing, but there is no way I could travel to Vegas during chemo and present at a conference. It would be too much. I’ve decided that I’ll try a near-by conference first – one in Berkeley where I’ve had a poster accepted. I can get to Berkeley in 2 hours via public transit. It will be my first academic conference post-surgery (end of February), and I most likely won’t have hair. I have nice outfits that I can wear that will work with a flat chest, if I choose not to wear foobs, but I haven’t thought yet about what I shall do about my head. The whole idea of conferencing seems a little overwhelming right now – and yet I know it is something that I need to do as part of my re-emergence.

    In this re-emergence, I am already thinking about my new identity – and how much I might want my identities to overlap. I’m considering a proposal for the Canadian Conference on Medical Education (CCME) relating to this blog, my experience as a cancer patient, but also my role as a non-physician medical educator. I’m not sure what that presentation would look like yet – I need to do some more consultations with friends and colleagues in the medical education field, and with any luck find one or more people interested in collaborating on something. I feel like there is something important to be learned in this process, I just don’t know what it is yet. I’d like to talk about the power of social media as a cancer patient – perhaps the role of social media in cancer patient education – and what medical students, residents, and physicians can learn from the new ‘connected’ patient experience.

    My forward moving may get delayed now and then – and I certainly am not moving at the same pace as I was before diagnosis or chemo – I am glad, however, to be making some progress.

  • Joining the cancer blogosphere

    I have been blogging for a few weeks now, but I have been very hesitant to read other people’s cancer blogs. I’ve been hesitant to reach out to too many others who are going through similar experiences to mine. In part, this is a form a denial, in part it is a form of fear.

    I have strong online relationships. I am part of several online communities where I find strength and much needed support. But, to join a cancer community means to admit that I have cancer – but there is more to it than that – it is the fear of joining a community and then losing people in that community. I’m OK with admitting I have cancer, but I’m not OK with admitting that it is something that might one day kill me. I’m afraid that if I develop solid friendships with others who have cancer, that I’ll lose them. I don’t want to have to deal with the death of a good friend – and so, I hesitate. I hesitate to reach out too much to others who are also going through this experience – not because I don’t want to meet these people or get to know them – just that I don’t want to get to know them and then lose them.

    But I also realize that I need them. I need to read about others experiences. I need to learn from them. I also need to share my experiences, so that others can learn from me. It is this need that is driving me to participate in the online communities (and face-to-face support groups as well), but I must admit, that I do it with hesitation and a bit of fear. Afraid to get too close to anyone who I might lose.

  • The calm and then the storm

    Yesterday was one of those calm then stormy days. It began with a breakfast meeting with a new friend, whom I met through the social network myBCTeam.com.  It turns out that we have a lot in common, and I think we would find ourselves as friend regardless of the cancer connection. She has a wealth of knowledge around breast cancer and resources available, which I’m sure will prove to be very helpful. I never thought that having breast cancer would be the thing that made it easier for us to meet people in California.

    I had not heard anything from Stanford until the afternoon. Then I got a call from interventional radiology. These are the folks that place the port. I now have that booked for Thursday. They use twilight sedation, similar to what they do with cataract surgery. They use a small incision (exactly what small means is definitely relative) to place a port directly into the vein. The port lives under the skin, so once the incision is healed I can swim and shower/bath without worry.

    Shortly thereafter I had a call from my oncologist (MO). He suggested that I could start chemo as early as Thursday – right after the port is placed. His call had woken me up from a pretty sound nap, so I was not even sure how to answer. I had to first answer the question of ‘which chemo’. I decided on AC-T. I had a gut feel about that one from the beginning. The MO said it was the one that about 80% of women who need chemo for hormone positive breast cancer get (this means they understand the side effects and how to treat them). Also, shortly after making that decision, my second oncologist confirmed that is the one she would recommend. So, I’ve heard from multiple sources that it is the right choice – and it feels like the right choice. So, both quantitative me and qualitative me agree on this one.

    I decided that I will not start chemo on Thursday even if it is an option (it still needs to clear insurance). It is all too fast, and I need to be mentally and physically prepared. Mostly, I need to ensure I’m well hydrated for a couple of days before and the placing of the port with twilight sedation means fasting prior to – so pretty the opposite of what my body needs.

    So, if I start on Monday it will go something like this (assuming there are no issues that cause breaks):

    June 30 – AC
    July 14 – AC (on this regime, hair typically falls out after second treatment, grows back during T)
    July 28 – AC
    Aug 11 – AC
    Aug 25 – T weekly for 12 weeks (until November 10)

    Some people are completely tired/fatigued during chemo. Others continue to work throughout. Apparently getting regular exercise helps to reduce the side effects, so I shall be trying to get out for walks and regular bike rides although perhaps not climbing too many mountains. Fortunately the paths near here are pretty flat. If my balance goes, we’ll look into renting or buying a used trike … we’ll make this happen!

    After that, there is a break for recovery before surgery. We are thinking a week or two on the big island in Hawaii! Last time we went to the Big Island (in 2006) we wanted to rent a VW camper van, but couldn’t because our Canadian car insurance would only cover continental US and we couldn’t find anyplace to buy insurance. Now that we have US car insurance, we’ll look into that option again.

     

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