BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be a breast cancer survivor

Tag: #nablopomo

  • When the nightmare never ends

    I’m not sure why I’m thinking about this today in particular but I am.

    Today I’m thinking about the strength it must take to continue when the nightmare that is breast cancer never ends. When the treatments are what you do to stay alive. How that journey is so different then the one that I am on.

    I struggle a bit with a multitude of health issues that means I spend way too much time in doctors offices or shuffling between different doctors appointments. And yet I’m on the path to recovery. I’m moving forward. I’m getting stronger. I’m re-engaging with contract work, teaching, and my PhD studies. I’m planning a ski vacation, and an Epic Experience.

    Perhaps it is yet another death within the breast cancer blogging community that has me rattled. Or a friend that regularly subjects herself to chemotherapy that makes her horribly sick for days, but this nightmare treatment seems to be keeping her cancer in check – at least for now.

    Perhaps it is reading an article that crossed my twitter stream about what it means to take all measures at ending life. At what point do we stop the fighting and decide to let the nightmare end? I think about how it would be a luxury to be 89 years old.

    It is not that I think life is a nightmare, it is that I think cancer treatment is. It prolongs your life, but also it can take your life away. I think about what I might do if the nightmare were to never end for me? And then I remind myself that this path of thinking is unproductive. I am allowed to have a brief sadness, but I cannot dwell on it. I remind myself that I do not know how I would approach the never ending nightmare, and that I hope I never need to learn how I will deal with it. For now, I shall pick up the pieces of me and move on. Take a deep breath and approach the day a new.

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

  • Hidden sources of gluten

    On Tuesday we had our official meeting with the dietician about celiac disease. The meeting itself wasn’t particularly insightful – but we went into it well informed to begin with. I didn’t really know what to expect. The dietician was friendly and she did ask us some questions and told us a few things. In the end, we left with a three page handout with the most important information. In addition, now that we’ve met, I can email her with questions at any time.

    Looks at this experience as an educator, and reflect, I see that she did some things really well. Instead of giving us an handout with an overwhelming amount of information, she cut it down to a concise three page handout with the most important information. The information included some general guidelines for gluten free eating, a short list of what to eat, what to avoid, and hidden sources of gluten, some quick meal ideas, and three good websites for more information: Celiac Disease Foundation, Celiac Support Association, and Gluten Intolerance Group. I was aware of the first, but not the other two.

    I keep thinking that I should be getting more information. I keep thinking that this should be a bigger deal. But in reality, it is pretty simple. I have an auto immune disease that is completely treatable by maintaining a gluten free diet. The challenge is figuring out all the hidden sources of gluten.

    Last night I started going through my medications. I called my pharmacy to have them add “gluten” as an allergy. I was impressed when the Express Scripts pharmacist says that now that it is listed they will check all generics before sending them to me. For all the meds I already have, he gave me the phone numbers for the companies. This morning I started making calls. Sadly, the melatonin I use from Costco is not considered gluten free. Fortunately, I’ve found the CVS brand melatonin is. The meds I’ve checked so far are OK, but I have a few more companies to call. Hopefully by the end of Friday I will have checked all my meds.

    Ironically, Tuesday just before the going to see the dietician I got glutened (in the celiac community, the verb ‘to be glutened’ means to have accidentally ingested some form of gluten). I asked my husband to grab a smoothly for me at the office. He grabbed one for each of us and allowed me to choose. I looked at the ingredients – one had ‘wheat grass’ so opted to not have that one. Neither were labelled gluten free. I thought that I had chosen the safe one. It had fewer ingredients and none that looked suspicious to me. I learned from the dietician that one of the ‘hidden’ sources of gluten is in “artificial flavor” and “natural flavor”. Upon returning to the car we learned that “natural flavor” was an ingredient. I can confirm (based upon my bodies reaction) that indeed the smoothy was NOT gluten free. Live and learn.

    On the list of hidden sources of gluten that surprised me:

    • brewers yeast
    • triticale
    • malt

    I noticed the little gem about “artificial flavor” and “natural flavor” are not on the list from the dietician. She also promised a list of bad ingredient in medications and supplements – which I don’t have appear to have. Good that I can just send her a message on the my Health (secure email) system.

    In addition, the dietician mentioned that “starch” when listed as an ingredient is suspect unless you know the source of the starch or the food item is listed as gluten-free. So, potato starch or corn starch are OK, but starch or vegetable starch is not. I’m also in the process of going through any powders that I consume – such as electrolyte drink. I’m going to have to change from my previous favorite to the Vega brand, which is labeled as gluten free.

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

  • Authentic celebrity experience

    I don’t often follow celebrity experiences with breast cancer. For the most part, they annoy me. They try too much to simplify the experience into a single message – often one that is overly simple, not accounting for the complexities of the disease and the women who have to face it.

    It was with this not so positive attitude that I decided to watch the short clip of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the today show. I was immediately impressed with the way in which they shared her recent scare. How authentic it felt. There was no preaching about what the “right way” to be a previvor.

    Previvor is a term used for those with the genetic mutation (typically BRCA or BRCA2) that puts women and men at significant risk for breast or ovarian cancer, but have not yet been diagnosed with an invasive form of the cancer. I use the term “not yet” intentionally, as some of the statistics for those carrying the gene are staggering.

    Since I don’t carry the BRCA gene, I haven’t done much research into that area. I did, however, find a great too created by Stanford Researchers to help women with the BRCA genes understand the different risks based upon their age and treatment options: Decision Tool for Women with BRCA mutations.

    I do think the decisions that previvors need to make are in many ways a lot more difficult than the decisions those of us with invasive cancer have to make. I didn’t really have that many choices to make. I had a lot of invasive cancer. All my surgeons agreed that bilateral mastectomy was the recommended surgical treatment. I was not having to decide to remove healthy tissue that may never develop into cancer. I had cancer in both breasts – there was nothing prophylactic about my treatment. I cannot even begin to understand how difficult that decision would be – but Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt do a great job of helping to show the complexity of some of those emotions.

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

  • Gluten free medications

    You would think that given the prevalence of celiac disease, and that it is a known allergen, that medications that contain gluten would need to somehow label that fact. You’d think. You’d be wrong.

    As far as I can tell, this is a problem in the US. I don’t think it is nearly the same problem in other countries where medications are better regulated. I find it interesting (and sad) that medications carry less regulation about labelling gluten than food does.

    This was written back in 2013, but as far as I’m able to tell, nothing has changed since then:

    To be certain a drug does not contain gluten patients with CD, non-celiac gluten sensitivities, or wheat allergies must make multiple phone calls, perform Internet searches, and/or have the pharmacist review the package insert with them. At least most of us are able to do those things. ~ Whitney Caudill, Huffington Post Blog

    The issue with prescription medications in the US is amplified by the fact that each generic version of a given medication can include different fillers (some of which may or may not contain gluten), and pharmacies can change which generic the stock at any given time. There is no direct way for anyone in the chain of custody of a prescription medication to guarantee that it does not contain gluten. Ugg.

    I’m not an American, but I live in the US. I get all my medical care in the US. This means that I need to deal with the issue of my medications possibly containing gluten.

    There is, however, legislation currently in the works to make testing for and labelling of gluten in medication mandatory.  The folks at the Celiac Disease Foundation (CDF) have endorsed the  “Gluten in Medicine Identification Act“. This article from CDF recently crossed my stream “CDF Joins with Representatives Tim Ryan and Nita Lowey in Introducing the Gluten in Medicine Disclosure Act of 2015“. I’m glad to see this is being re-introduced to congress, and I have some hope that it makes it through this time! The folks at CDF have created a nice form to help you send a letter to your representative to let them know that you support the “Gluten in Medicine Disclosure Act of 2015“. Please if you are an American, I ask that you support this important legislation.

    And now, as someone who is taking multiple medications as a result of breast cancer treatment and other health ailments, I must now go and look up who is manufacturing each of my medications, and then contact each of them, to ensure that the medications I currently take do not include gluten.

    Then I need to go look at all the supplements I take (not too many, but a few because celiac disease means that my body isn’t absorbing all nutrients properly), and validate that they do not contain gluten. Unfortunately, the supplement industry is even less regulated that either the food or drug industry. I came across this article, which talks about how 50% of the probiotics labelled as “gluten free” contained more gluten than was safe for someone with celiac disease. In some ways I’m not completely surprised. I’ve tried taking probiotic pills before and have found that they did nothing to my stomach (or made it worse). I now understand why that might be!

    To make my life a little easier, I’m going to buy my vitamins and supplements from the Celiac Disease Foundation’s Gluten-Free Marketplace. I’m going to trust that the things they have on their site are, indeed, gluten-free.

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    NaBloPoMo November 2015

     

  • This is epic!

    I am so excited … I got an email the other day saying that I have been accepted to the January 3-9 Winter Epic Experience camp. It is all a little crazy, but also really exciting.

    The winter camp activities include cross country skiing and snow shoeing. Prior to cancer I was an avid cross country skier. Last winter, I was in treatment. Chemotherapy and surgery meant there was no chance of me doing an adventure camp. Heck, last January I struggled to walk around my townhouse complex!

    I find that my health improves the most when I have a concrete target for it. This summer my goal was training for the Avon walk (39.3 miles in two days). A month before the walk I was only able to walk 2-3 miles. I had told myself that I’d be OK if I only did 5-6 miles each of the two days of the Avon walk. But I still kept on training. We spent a week on vacation in the Eastern Sierra’s (blog posts here). Each of the hikes we did helped me get stronger. The weekend before the Avon walk I was able to do two 10-mile hikes. That was a first for me. I’m proud, and kind of amazed, to say that I ended up walking 32.5 miles in two days. The concrete target allowed me to push myself. I did things I never thought I could.

    I won’t be new to cross country skiing or snow shoeing. I’ve done both before. However, I have done neither since my cancer treatment. My body isn’t the same as it used to be. I’m going to have to do some more work to help ensure that I’m strong enough to get the most out of my Epic Experience. I now have a focus for my exercise.

    A friend mentioned that she doesn’t sign up for these things because she would do them on her own. She doesn’t want to take someone else’s seat. For me, this is an awesome opportunity. It is a chance for me to try things that I used to love in a safe and supportive environment. If the constraints of my new body mean that I need to do things differently, I will have the support there to help me figure it out. People will understand when things are difficult. There is so much that happens when you are a room full of cancer survivors that is different than doing things on your own. In many ways, it is that aspect that I’m looking forward to the most. It is the new friends that I will make. It is the shared experiences.

    I’ve also never been to Colorado before. I can almost smell the mountain air. I’m a little scared about spending a week over 4000 feet altitude (a challenge with lymphedema) – but I’m also so looking forward to it. One of the things I miss being in California is winter. We would have spent time at Tahoe had I been healthy, and had there been snow. So, I missed winter last year. I miss the smell of snow.

    Did I say, I’m so excited!

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

  • Not in the high risk category, but still …

    I wasn’t considered to be at high risk for breast cancer, and yet I got it. I also wasn’t considered to be at high risk for lymphedema, and I have it too.

    I was high risk for celiac disease, so that diagnosis, although kind of sucky, isn’t too much of a surprise. I’m now hoping that it is my new panacea (I had hoped that the CPAP was my panacea) – that is, once my body starts to heal itself on a gluten free diet, I hope that many of my health issues clear up.

    This post is more about lymphedema. A month ago (Oct 2nd), I noticed that my left hand was swollen. Having been a part of many breast cancer support groups, I knew that this was an early sign of lymphedema.  Having only two nodes removed (to ensure the breast cancer had not spread), and not doing radiation, meant that I was at low risk. The only precaution I was told to take was to not allow automatic blood pressure cuffs on either of my arms – because the machines put in too much pressure. Instead my blood pressure is taken on my right leg.

    When I noticed the swelling in my left arm, I immediately called my breast surgeon’s office. I saw the nurse practitioner that afternoon. I was scared. She put in an immediate (ASAP) referral to the lymphedema specialist. At the same time I called my physical therapist, who is also a lymphedema specialist.

    Then all the cogs in the medical system slowed to a halt. I had to wait a week to see my physical therapist. It took almost two weeks just to get an appointment to see the lymphedema specialist. Those weeks were hell. I had no idea if what I was doing was making things better or worse. I had no information that I could trust. There is so much mis-information on the web, and so little is truly known about lymphedema.

    I was glad to get in to see my physical therapist, who put my mind at ease. She prescribed a compression sleeve. I decided that if I needed to wear one that I would get a pretty one. I bought this nice patterned one at Lymphedevas.

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    Last Wednesday I finally had an appointment with the lymphedema specialist. He formally diagnosed it as stage 0/1 lymphedema. Now that I have it on the left, it changes what I can do on the right. I’m no longer in the low-risk category. He prescribed a higher compression level for the left arm (level 2), and the lower compression (level 1) for the right arm. I was sent over to the cancer center to pick up some new sleeves.

    Now, I need to wear the sleeve and glove on the left arm whenever I’m awake (so not for sleeping but otherwise I wear the compression). I need to keep this on until the arm goes back to normal. This may never happen, or may take 6-12 months. I’ve had it for less than a week and I already notice a difference, so that is good. Wearing the sleeve is actually comfortable. My arm hurts when I’m not wear it (a dull ache). The glove makes typing a bit of a challenge, so I’m finding myself relying a little more on speech-to-text (glad it is built into the Mac OS).

    On the right side, I now need to wear a sleeve prophylactically (to avoid getting lymphedema). Specifically, I need to wear it: (1) during strenuous exercise, (2) whenever I fly, and (3) whenever I travel above 4000 feet elevation. In addition, I can no longer have IVs or shots (e.g. flu shot) in either arm. I’m still OK for blood draws on the right side – although, I think that will depend on the extent of the draw – the last time I had 8 vials taken (celiac micronutrient deficiency tests), which really taxed my arm, so I think that would be a high risk activity that I would want to avoid in the future.

    The new sleeves I have are from Juzo. They are the ones that the doctor recommended. They are not fun colours (skin tone), but they don’t actually look as bad as I feared they would. What I find interesting is my desire to have pretty sleeves. I’m not normally a fashion conscious person. For the most part I wear yoga pants and one of the various free t-shirts my husband picks up at tech conferences. So, I find it interesting that I’m drawn to garments with pretty patterns on them.

    Going forward, I’ll wear the plain garments for exercise and when I’m at home working. I will likely switch out to something pretty for those limited times when I’m out socializing. The pretty ones may not be as effective, but they make me feel good – and for a couple of hours now and then, feeling pretty won’t be causing any harm.

    In some ways this is similar to my large collection of buffs that I wore when I was cancer-bald. I found myself buying more buffs then I needed (different ones to match different outfits). They made me feel good. And so, with that, if I am destined to wear the sleeves for the foreseeable future, I might as well get a few that I like to wear.

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

  • November is writing month

    November is writing month. Before I started my PhD, I participated in NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month. I sat down every morning and wrote stories relating to our Going East trip. The process itself was rewarding, but I have yet to go back to that writing and turn it into anything. Every November, I am reminded of NaNoWriMo and often reflect on that experience.

    This year, I have signed up for two different spin offs of NaNoWriMo – DigiWriMo (Digital Writing Month) and NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). I was drawn to DigiWriMo by my friends who are involved in hosting it – however, I’m not that interested in exploring alternative media for posting. I’d really like to focus more on writing. This is what drew me to NaBloPoMo. It is run by a group that I’ve been aware of for some time – BlogHer – an organization that was founded to help amplify the voices of women bloggers.

    So this November I’m going to look at NaBloPoMo. The initial message for the first week is the idea that “we are all experts”.  This is actually an important message that I emphasize in the Should I Blog course that I created. From an illness blogging perspective, everyone is an expert in their own bodies. Everyone is an expert in their personal lived experience. I just love that message!

    So with this post, I am officially launching my NaBloPoMo experience. I will likely not follow the daily prompts unless I get stuck. I feel like I have a backlog of things to write about, so hopefully that will keep me on track to create a blog post for each day in November.

    I had some trouble decided on which blog I would use for NaBloPoMo. In the end (with the twitter encouragement from @blogher), I’ve listed both of my regular blogs – this one and my academic blog. My posts will be different for each blog most of the time  – so I’m making a double commitment to write two posts per day! I do reserve the right to post the same content on both blogs when the content is appropriate for both (like this post).

    And as this is my official launch of NaBloPoMo, I’m including the Badge:

    NaBloPoMo November 2015

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