Tag Archives: fear

I almost didn’t go …

My proposal for a paper presentation at the Health Humanities Consortium Conference in Houston in March was accepted. When I was first accepted I was really excited about it. Then the plane tickets cost a little more than I’d like. I found myself doubting – do I really want to go? I found myself justifying… Read More »

My Buddha Belly

It may sound dumb but one of my biggest worries about not getting reconstruction is that I’ll look funny. I’ll have a flat chest but a buddha belly. I’m more scared about the buddha belly than I am about the flat chest. I know my choice for surgery. I know I ‘want’ a double-mastectomy. Want… Read More »

A perfect morning

It’s 8 am, infants are crying, jays are squawking, there is a fine mist as the park is covered in morning fog from the ocean. It is a perfect morning at Big Basin Redwoods State Park. Scott has actually fallen back to sleep. This is my time, first thing in the morning. I crawl out… Read More »

Bilateral Mastectomies

A friend sent me an email with a recent article in the New York Times about the prevalence of bilateral mastectomies entitled “The Wrong Approach to Breast Cancer“. I read the article with much interest but also much distain. There are several issues that are not addressed in the article, but it also highlights some… Read More »

What does it mean to be a survivor? … I am a warrior!

Today I found myself seeking out definitions of cancer survivor. In my context, I don’t know what it means to be a survivor. I certainly am a cancer warrior – I’m in treatment, I am living each day – but what does it mean to survive? Some definitions involve the time after treatment, when you… Read More »

Meltdown

Last night I allowed myself to go down an emotional spiral into an all out meltdown. I was already feeling a little sad and then took an MJ pill, and started reading the book Wild. The first several chapters of the book go through the authors feelings as she supports her mother’s sudden death from Lung… Read More »

Joining the cancer blogosphere

I have been blogging for a few weeks now, but I have been very hesitant to read other people’s cancer blogs. I’ve been hesitant to reach out to too many others who are going through similar experiences to mine. In part, this is a form a denial, in part it is a form of fear.… Read More »

Knowing what to expect

“In my experience, fear comes from not knowing what to expect and not feeling you have any control over what’s about to happen. When you feel helpless, you’re far more afraid than you would be if you knew the facts. If you’re not sure what to be alarmed about, everything is alarming.” (Chris Hatfield in… Read More »