Lately I’ve been struggling with the idea of working full time. I find that I just don’t have the energy to do it. I do, however, miss the person I used to be. I miss the ability to sit at my computer for hours on end working on a project – but then I wonder, is the problem just that I have not committed myself to anything? That I have allowed myself the flexibility and as a result of that, I have not taken on anything that will force me to focus?
I find myself challenged even with this blog post. I need to write something. I need to commit to something. And yet, I am not feeling particularly clear in what I want to say.
With that, I looked at my calendar and booked off vacation. My spring is jam packed with wellness retreats and conferences – oh ya, and the recreation of Should I blog – with the help of an instructional design student. My summer is now also jam packed with teaching two courses.
And so, I find myself remembering to live. It has been more than three years since I finished cancer treatment. I still look at my days, asking the question, am I doing what I want to be doing with my life?
I’m also really missing hiking. The weather has been amazing the last few days. The hills to the east are green. I find myself yearning to walk in those hills – to explore new trails. Hopefully next week I’ll get the all clear from the podiatrist to start hiking again – easy / flat trails at first … and then eventually longer hikes. But for now, I shall hobble around the block – gradually, each day walking a little further – building on what I did the day before.
I guess that is life, one step at a time.