I’m finding it a little weird that lately I’ve been having memories – almost flashbacks but not as vivid – of the time around my diagnosis. We aren’t at an anniversary of it … that is still 5 months away. It is why I’m finding it all rather strange. And the memories aren’t terribly vivid from a visual perspective, but they are much more from an emotional perspective – except that I feel like I’m looking in on myself.
I also have a sense that the last few years didn’t happen. This is a sense that happens rather frequently. Maybe it is a part of moving on with my life, and the stepping back into some things? Even as I write this I’m remembering the sense of denial I had … and I’m glad that I don’t remember the feelings of intense sadness … not that I don’t remember that they happened, more that I don’t remember exactly how they felt. I don’t have the emotional memory of those feelings, where I’m having the emotional memory of specific times.
Now, my research does involve me going back over my blog posts – but for the most part I haven’t done that yet – and really it doesn’t seem to at all be related to that.
When it first started happening I dismissed it. Now I’m finding that I’m noticing it happening – a perhaps a little more frequently then I’d like.
Feature image by Joe Shlabotnik via Flickr CC By 2.0.