I look at the meal in front of me and take a few bites. I sample the desert and think this is pretty mediocre. I look down at my plate and note that I’ve eaten half of everything – the main course, the bun, and the dessert. And then it occurs to me, I forgot to ask whether or not it had gluten in it.
And then I wake up scared.
Since my diagnosis, I’ve had this recurring dream. It happens about once a month. I wake up from it the same way I wake up from a nightmare. It is very odd. The fear isn’t in the eating of the gluten, rather the fear is that I forgot to ask. Like somehow, I forgot that I had celiac disease and gluten poisons me.
Part of me yearns to not have to ask ‘does this have gluten’. To not have to double and triple check before deciding whether or not I risk eating it. Part of me misses the simplicity of being able to eat a conference meal without having to worry about whether or not the caterer is going to make me sick. And part of me fears the day when I forget to ask the question ‘does it contain gluten?‘