At breakfast this morning I found myself sad. It was supposed to be a simple breakfast. I brought food that allowed me to participate in a simple breakfast. However that is not how it turned out. People brought contributions that turned simple into exotic, but none of the contributions were gluten free. Even the avocados has yeast on them (various different yeasts contain gluten).
I had my own food. I wasn’t going to starve. But I also couldn’t participate in the treat that was breakfast. I was overcome by sadness. I left. I cried. I went for a walk and enjoyed some of the wonderful wild blackberries which happen to be ripe right now. I decided that tomorrow I will skip breakfast and spend some quality time on my own reflecting as I walk along the beach.
I’ve experienced this intense sadness only a couple of other times. It is usually when there is a treat that is a special experience and where I am completely left out. I find myself reflecting on what the best method for dealing with this. Do I try to find ways to cope and be present or do I just walk away, avoiding the situation all together? It feels like avoiding is just running away from the issue, but I also don’t need the intense sadness in my life. I have enough other things, bigger things, that cause sadness that I don’t need to be sad when I should be enjoying a social gathering.
Tomorrow I’m going to avoid in part because I do not think this is the place or time to deal with this. I don’t think I can not deal with it, I just need to do so at a different time. So tomorrow I will enjoy the sounds of the surf while breathing is the amazing ocean air. This is a healing place so I shall soak in as much healing energy as I can.