I am preparing myself for disappointment. I have convinced myself that I can endure six more rounds of chemo, but only if I can have a week off to gain some strength. Love how I’m bargaining with this cancer? Tomorrow I expect I’ll be bargaining with my oncologist. I only hope that taking a week off is something that is possible/makes sense. If I have a week to regain some strength, grow a few more red and white blood cells, and allow my mouth sores to recover, then maybe I can endure six more weeks of this chemo.
Now, I will be pleasantly surprised if the MRI comes back saying that the tumors are gone (or even mostly gone). This would mean that I stop chemo and start regaining my strength in preparation for surgery. As much as I’d like this option, it isn’t what my gut is currently telling me. When I bend over, I can still see some skin retraction – so I can still tell where the larger tumor was – it no longer feels like a hard spot – and the doctors say that my breasts feel normal – but I can still see signs of it (although this could just be scar tissue or dead tumor remnants).
So I’m mentally preparing myself …